父母吵架，殃及孩子

It is normal for parents to argue, but the way these disagreements affect children varies greatly.

父母吵架是很寻常的事，不过这些争吵对孩子的影响却不尽相同。

What can parents and carers do to limit the harm caused by their rows?

父母和监护人们可以做什么来减少争吵对孩子带来的危害呢？

What happens at home really does affect children's long-term mental health and development.

家里发生的事情的确会影响到小孩的长期的心理健康和发育。

But it is not only the relationship between the parent and child that is important.

不过父母与孩子之间的关系并不是唯一重要的因素。

How parents get on with each other also plays a big role in a child's wellbeing, with the potential to affect everything from mental health to academic success and future relationships.

父母之间如何相处对孩子的健康影响很大，有可能会关系到从心理健康到学习成绩以及将来的两性关系等。

But there is the chance for some good to come out of a "positive" row.

不过，如果采用“积极”的争吵也可能会带来一些好处。

In most cases, arguments will have little or no negative effects for children.

大部分情况下，争吵对小孩的负面影响都比较小。

But when parents shout and are angry with each other, when they consistently withdraw or give each other the "silent treatment", problems can sometimes arise.

不过如果大声咆哮或者彼此置气，或者经常中途离场或者搞“冷战”，问题有时就出现了。

UK and international research conducted over several decades through observations in the home, long-term follow up work and experimental studies, suggests that from as young as six months, children exposed to conflict may have increased heart rates and stress hormone responses.

近几十年来英国和国际上的家庭观察研究，长期跟踪调查和实验研究表明，从六个月大开始，经常经历父母冲突的孩子可能会有心跳加速，压力荷尔蒙增加等反应。

Infants, children and adolescents can show signs of disrupted early brain development, sleep disturbance, anxiety, depression, conduct disorder and other serious problems as a result of living with severe or chronic inter-parental conflict.

因为父母的急性或者慢性的冲突，婴儿，孩童和青少年可能会出现早期大脑发育受阻，睡眠紊乱，焦虑，沮丧，行为失常还有其他的一些严重问题。

商务部表示，为切实维护我国利益，中方根据世贸组织《保障措施协定》和《中华人民共和国对外贸易法》相关规定，拟中止对美国实施实质相等的减让和其他义务，即对自美进口部分产品加征关税，以平衡美方232措施对我国造成的利益损失（产品清单附后）。提出的中止减让产品清单含无缝钢管、废铝等。

商务部新闻发言人表示，第一部分共计120个税项，涉及美对华9.77亿美元出口，包括鲜水果、干果及坚果制品、葡萄酒、改性乙醇、花旗参、无缝钢管等产品，拟加征15%的关税。第二部分共计8个税项，涉及美对华19.92亿美元出口，包括猪肉及制品、回收铝等产品，拟加征25%的关税。

Similar effects are also seen in children who are exposed to ongoing but less intense conflict, compared with children whose parents constructively negotiate or resolve conflicts.

跟那些父母能够建设性协商和解决问题的孩子们相比，那些经历不断的但是更温和的父母冲突的孩子也会出现类似的结果。

The impact on children is not always as might be expected.

对孩子的影响往往不会像我们预期的那样。

For example, divorce - and parents deciding to live apart - has often been seen as having a particularly damaging and lasting effect on many children.

比如说，离婚—然后父母决定分居—经常被认为对孩子会有特别的并且持续性的伤害。

But in some cases, it is now thought that it could be the arguments that take place between parents before, during and after a separation that do the damage, rather than the break-up itself.

不过在有的情况中，现在认为是父母在分居之前，之间和之后的争吵造成了伤害，而不是分手本身。

Similarly, it has often been assumed that genetics play a defining role in how children respond to conflict.

类似地，人们经常假设遗传在孩子们面对冲突如何表现方面也发挥着重要作用。

And it is true that "nature" is central to a child's mental health - playing a part in problems from anxiety, to depression and psychosis.

的确，先天对孩子的心理健康很重要—在焦虑，抑郁和精神病等问题中都有作用。

But the home environment and the "nurture" they receive there can also be very significant.

不过，家庭环境和小孩受到的后天培养也同意意义重大。

Increasingly, it is thought that underlying genetic risks for poor mental health can be made worse - or better - by family life.

人们越来越多地认识到潜在的心理疾病遗传风险可以被家庭生活加剧或者改善。

The quality of the relationship between parents appears to be central, whether or not they are living together, or if the children are genetically related to the parents or not - ie conceived through IVF, or adopted.

不论是否一起居住，也不论孩子的基因是否与父母相关—也就是说哪怕是试管婴儿或者收养的—，父母的关系质量都很重要，

What does all of this mean for parents?

这一切对父母来说意味着什么呢？

First, it is important to recognise that it is perfectly normal for parents and carers to argue or disagree with each other.

首先，要认识到父母和监护人彼此争吵，有分歧是很正常的，这一点很重要。

However, when parents engage in conflicts with each other that are frequent, intense and not resolved, children do less well.

不过，当父母相互争吵变得频繁，激烈而不可调和的时候，小孩就会收到危害。

Even more so if the row is about children, for example where children blame themselves or feel at fault for the arguments.

如果争吵是关于小孩的，问题就更严重了，比如说小孩就会责怪自己或者觉得是自己的错造成了争吵。

These negative effects can include sleep disturbance and disrupted early brain development for infants, anxiety and conduct problems for primary school children, and depression and academic problems and other serious issues, such as self-harm, for older children and adolescents.

这些负面效应包括婴儿早期大脑发育受阻或者睡眠紊乱，读小学的孩子会焦虑，行为失常，对更大的孩子或者青少年则会有抑郁，成绩下降等其他严重问题，比如自残。

For decades, we have known that domestic abuse and violence can be particularly damaging for the children involved.

我们认识到家庭内部的争吵和暴力对孩子是有尤为有害的已经有几十年了。

But parents don't even need to display volatile or aggressive behaviour towards one another for damage to be done.

不过父母甚至不需要对彼此展示敌意或进攻性行为，同样可能会造成伤害。

Where they become withdrawn, or express low levels of warmth for each other, children's emotional, behavioural and social development is also put at risk.

当他们中途离开，或者对彼此表现出冷淡时，孩子的情感，行为和社交发展都会出现风险。

The problems don't end there.

问题并不会因此结束。

Not only are children affected in their own lives, but research shows that bad relationships can pass from one generation to the next.

不仅孩子们在自己的生活中会受到影响，研究表明这种不良关系还可能会从一代传到下一代。

It is a cycle that needs to be broken if we want positive and happy lives for today's generation of children, and the next generation of parents and families.

假如我们想要让今天的孩童，也是明天的父母和家庭享受到积极快乐的生活就需要打破这种恶性循环。

But there are factors which can reduce the harm caused.

不过，也有一些因素可以降低造成的伤害。

From the age of about two - and possibly from an even younger age - research tells us that children are astute observers of their parents' behaviour.

从两岁—也有可能更早—研究告诉我们孩子们会非常细心地观察父母的行为。

They often notice arguments - even when parents think their children don't, or believe they have protected them by arguing in "private".

他们经常会注意到争吵—就算父母以为孩子没有注意到，或者认为他们私下吵架就可以保护孩子。

What matters is how children interpret and understand the causes and potential consequences of conflicts.

最重要的是孩子们如何解读和理解争吵的起因和可能带来的后果。

Based on their past experience, children decide whether they think conflicts are likely to escalate, potentially involve them, or could even pose a risk to family stability - a particular concern for some young children.

根据以往经验，孩子们会判断吵架是否会升级，可能波及他们自己或者给家庭稳定带来威胁—很多小孩子特别关心这一点。

Five top tips for parents

给家长的五条重要建议：

It is natural for parents to feel concerned about the impact their arguments may have on their children.

父母总会关心自己的争吵可能会给孩子造成的影响，这是很自然的。

But it is normal to argue or disagree sometimes, and in fact children respond well when parents explain or resolve - in an appropriate way - what an argument was about.

不过有时也会争吵或者闹矛盾，事实上假如父母能够解释或者解决—以合适的方式—争吵到底是为什么，孩子们就会没事。

Indeed, where parents successfully resolve arguments, children can learn important positive lessons which can help them navigate their own emotions and relationships beyond the family circle.

其实，当父母争吵解决争端猴，孩子们会学到重要的有意义的一课，这可以帮助他们调整自己的情感和在家庭里的关系。

Helping parents understand how their relationships affect children's development sets the stage for healthy children today - and healthy families in the future.

帮助父母们理解他们的关系会如何影响孩子们的发育将为今天的孩子们的健康以及未来的家庭健康打好基础。

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