情绪和人生的价值
河流搅动着石头和砂砾，微小的力量可以在岩石地带冲出一道峡谷。情感的原初动力虽然不显山不漏水，但它可以塑造人的价值观，刻画出生命的秀丽风光。
大多数的情感都包含着价值意义，是核心价值观所形成的动机的组成部分。对成年人而言，情感的价值意义持续地告诫着我们：要有自己的价值观，并忠实于它，否则就不知道你是谁，终究是不会接纳自己的。
在意识层面，情绪的波动越小，意味着情绪背后价值观的重要性越低。例如，我们期待的假期可以让自己感觉良好，如果假期被取消了，我们就会感到失望。情绪波动越大，情绪背后的动机就越强烈，就越容易触及到深层次的价值观念。例如，我们在保护自己的孩子的时候充满能量，当失去亲人的时候，感觉天都塌下来了。
大多数的情绪波动不会触及到人的观念，这是由人类大脑非常高效的处理机制决定的。就是因为情绪的价值意义，我们的行为才能大体上与我们的核心价值观念保持一致，而无需停下来思考。如果你相信儿童在思考的时候也会考虑行为的后果，那一定是愚蠢的。他们的前额叶皮质还没有发育成熟，不足以支持理性的思考。事实上，我们自己也很少考虑这种行为后果。如果频繁地思考行为后果，我们的日常生活将不堪重负，诸如起床、洗澡、吃早点、刷牙、穿衣服和开车去上班，直至回家再上床睡觉这样的琐事也会费一番脑筋。我们做的大多数事情都是自动化的，无需思考，用不着去考虑行为后果。违背核心价值的冲动会导致一种自动化的、轻度的不适情绪，为了保证绝大多数的行为符合我们个人的价值观要求，这种不适情绪反而是需要的。
例如，如果你饿了，那么在杂货店的收银台排队的时候看到身边的糖果会感到轻微的不舒服。这个模糊的、不舒服的感觉抑制着一个原初的、婴儿般的伸手去拿糖果的冲动。就绝大部分情况而言，只有那些持有支持偷窃的人，才有伸手拿糖果的想法。我们大多数人不会有顺手牵羊的念想，也不会去考虑如果拿了糖果会有什么后果，因为情感的价值意义会抑制这种冲动。我们顶多就是看到糖果会感到一点轻微的不适而已。如我们所说的，告诉孩子什么是对的，什么是错的，就是在儿童时期培养这种价值-抑制。强调后果的可怕，只不过是教会他们要避免惩罚而已。
我们每天都会经历大量类似的价值-抑制，事实上，如果没有这种心理机制我们将会无所适从。用外界或者他人的要求责备这些重要的内部信号——类似这种轻微不适的感觉——是危险的。它不仅会让人丧失正确行为的能力，而且会让人变得麻木、回避和产生报复心理。一种负面情绪本来是可以强化我们的核心价值观，但是如果用一种麻木的、回避的和仇视的态度对待这种负面情绪的话，我们反而会丢掉认识自我的机会。这时，你需要看看镜子里的自己，再看看别人的眼神。忽视情绪的价值意义会使你远离自己的核心价值观，导致后悔、消沉和焦虑，终究活在自己的影子当中。
如果要沐浴阳光，就要对生活中的模糊的不适感觉报以真诚的态度。如果你能够正确审视它们的价值意义，不去责怪它们，它们就会助你成长，并让你忠实于那个真实的自己。
原文地址：
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200904/emotions-and-the-value-life
Emotions and theValue of Life
How do you stay trueto yourself?
Justas rivers employ the force of churning stones and gravel to chisel out canyons in rocky terrain, the innate drive to create value uses emotional energyto carve out the landscapes ofour lives.
Mostemotions occur in streams that carry valuemeanings, with built-in motivations to behave according to one's deepervalues. By adulthood, the value meaning of emotions carries a constant warning: Createvalue and remain true to it, or you won't know who you are and won't accept theperson you've become.
Ona conscious level, the weaker streams of emotion mark less important levels of value: We want vacations to go well and getdisappointed if they don't. The stronger ones, with the most forcefulmotivations, normally go to the very deepest values: We're impassioned aboutprotecting children and devastated by loss of a loved one.
Mostof our emotional streams never reach consciousness, due to the remarkablyefficient function of the human brain. Thanks to the value meaning of emotions,we keep more or less aligned with ourdeepest values, without having to stop and think about them. We may foolishlyinsist that our children think through the consequences of their behavior (theylack sufficient development in the prefrontalcortex to do soreliably), but the fact is we hardly ever do that ourselves. (If we thoughtthrough the consequences of our behavior, our days would consist of little morethan getting out of bed, taking a shower, eating breakfast, brushing teeth,getting dressed, and driving to work - by then it would be time go home andback to bed.) Most of what we do on automatic pilot, without thinking about itat all, much less thinking through the consequences of each behavior. To keepthe vast majority of our behaviors within the boundaries of personal values, werely on an automatic, low-grade discomfort, stimulated by the mereimpulse to violate a deeper value.
Forexample, if you are hungry, you will feel slightly uncomfortable looking at acandy bar in the grocery storecheckout line. That vague, uncomfortable feeling inhibits a primitive,toddler-like urge to take the candy. For the most part, only those people whosepersonal values do not preclude stealing candy will ever have a consciousthought about taking it. Most of us do not have to consciously think of takingthe candy or think of what would happen if we did because the value meaning ofour emotions inhibits the impulse. The most we may feel while looking at thecandy is a vague discomfort. Developing this kind of value-inhibition inchildren is what we mean by teaching them right from wrong. Emphasizing fear ofconsequences merely teaches them to avoid punishment.
Weexperience scores of similarvalue inhibitions every day; indeed, we couldn't function without them. Thedanger lies in blaming these important internal signals - vague discomfort andthe like - on "stress"or circumstances or other people. Then they lose the capacity to guidebeneficial behavior and become, instead, something to numb, avoid, or avenge. When we try to numb, avoid, or avenge the negative emotions enforcing our deepest values, we lose touch with who we are. When thathappens, you look in the mirror and see someone else's face. Ignoring the value meaning of emotions leads to resentment, depression,or anxiety asit alienates you from your deepestvalues. Eventually you live in the shadows of yourself.
To stay in the sunlight, be grateful forthe vague discomforts of life. If you examine their value meaning and do notblame them on anyone, they will enable growth and keep you true to who you are.