纪录片视界
hello 大家好，我是达达。对我来说, 「精神强大」意味着: 无论身处何种境地或局面, 都有能力调节自己的情绪、管理自己的思维、并以一种良性的心态和方式行事。而培养强大的精神, 需要找到按自己的价值体系去生活的勇气、并以一种无畏的姿态树立属于自己的成功标准。
演讲者Amy Morin是一个畅销书作家，她写的书《13 things mentally strong people don't do》受到了热烈的好评，今天的演讲就是关于和这本书息息相关的分析。一起来看看，另外今天在公众号回复“13” 可以看到具体的13件事。我在公众号等你。
演讲者：Amy Morin
演说题目：13 things mentally strong people don't do
So, I have a Facebook friend whose life seems perfect. She lives in a gorgeous house. And she has a really rewarding career. And she and her family go on all these exciting adventures together on the weekends.我的社交网络上有一个朋友，她的生活看起来很完美。她住在一所漂亮的房子里，她有一个非常有意义的职业。她和她的家人在周末的时候，会一起进行一些令人兴奋的冒险。And I swear that they must take a professional photographer along with them, because no matter where they go or what they do, the whole family just looks beautiful. And she's always posting about how blessed she is, and how grateful she is for the life that she has.我发誓一定是一直在身边带着一个专业摄影师。因为不管她去了哪里，或做了什么，整个家庭看起来都很完美，她总是发帖说她是多么幸福，多么感激她所拥有的生活。And I get the feeling that she's not just saying those things for the sake of Facebook, but she truly means it. How many of you have a friend kind of like that？And how many of you kind of don't like that person sometimes?我觉得她说的这些话，不仅仅是为了Facebook，她真是认真的。你们中有多少人有这样的朋友？你们中有多少人，时常会觉得那个人很讨厌？We all do this, right? It's hard not to do. But that way of thinking costs us something. And that's what I want to talk to you about today — is what our bad habits cost us. Maybe you've scrolled through your Facebook feed and you think,我们都会这样，对吧？很难不感到嫉妒，但这种思维方式会让我们付出一些代价。这就是我今天想要告诉你们的，这就是我们的坏习惯给我们带来的代价。也许你翻翻你的社交主页，"So what if I roll my eyes? It's just five seconds of my time. How could it be hurting me?" Well, researchers have found that envying your friends on Facebook, actually leads to depression. That's just one of the traps that our minds can set for us. Have you ever complained about your boss?会想就算我翻了个白眼，又会怎样？一共也不过5秒钟，这怎么会伤害到我呢？但研究人员发现，在社交网络上嫉妒你的朋友，其实会导致抑郁。而这只是我们的思想可能为我们设置的陷阱之一。你曾经抱怨过你的老板吗？Or looked at your friends' lives and thought, "Why do they have all the luck?” You can't help thinking that way, right? That way of thinking seems small in the moment. In fact, it might even make you feel better in the moment. But that way of thinking is eating away at your mental strength.或者看着你朋友的生活，想着“为什么他们会这么幸运？”你很难不这么想，对吧？现在看来这种想法是很细微，但事实上，这可能会让你此刻感到更好，但这种思维方式正在侵蚀你的精神力量。There's three kinds of destructive beliefs that make us less effective, and rob us of our mental strength. The first one is unhealthy beliefs about ourselves. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves.有三种破坏性的信念，会降低我们的效率，并剥夺我们的精神力量。第一个是对我们自己的不健康的认知，我们倾向于为自己感到难过。And while it's OK to be sad when something bad happens, self-pity goes beyond that. It's when you start to magnify your misfortune. When you think things like, "Why do these things always have to happen to me?当糟糕的事情发生时，悲伤是可以的，但自怜的情绪不止这样。当你开始放大你的不幸，当你去想，为什么这些事总要发生在我的身上？I shouldn't have to deal with it." That way of thinking keeps you stuck, keeps you focused on the problem, keeps you from finding a solution. And even when you can't create a solution, you can always take steps to make your life or somebody else's life better.我不该处理这件事的，这种思维方式会让你陷入困境，让你找不到解决的办法。即使你不能创造一个解决方案，你也可以努力使你的生活或其他人的生活更好。But you can't do that when you're busy hosting your own pity party. The second type of destructive belief that holds us back is unhealthy beliefs about others. We think that other people can control us, and we give away our power.但当你忙于怜悯自己的时候，你就不可能做得到了。阻碍我们前进的第二种破坏性认知，是对他人的不健康认知。我们认为别人可以控制我们，就因此放弃了我们的力量。But as adults who live in a free country, there's very few things in life that you have to do. So when you say, "I have to work late," you give away your power. Yeah, maybe there will be consequences if you don't work late, but it's still a choice.但是作为一个生活在自由国度的成年人，生活中几乎没有什么事情是你必须要做的，所以当你说我必须得工作到很晚的时候，你就放弃了你的权力。是，如果你不加班到很晚，也许会有不好的后果，但这仍然是你做出的选择。Or when you say, "My mother-in-law drives me crazy," you give away your power. Maybe she's not the nicest person on earth, but it's up to you how you respond to her, because you're in control.或者当你说“我岳母快把我逼疯了”的时候，你就放弃了你的力量，也许她不是世界上最好的人。但是，也都取决于你对她的反应，因为你能控制自己。The third type of unhealthy belief that holds us back, is unhealthy beliefs about the world. We tend to think that the world owes us something. We think, "If I put in enough hard work, then I deserve success."第三种不健康的信念让我们望而却步，那就是对世界的不健康信念。我们倾向于认为世界欠我们一些东西。我们认为如果我付出了足够的努力，那么我就应该获得成功。But expecting success to fall into your lap like some sort of cosmic reward, will only lead to disappointment. But I know it's hard to give up our bad mental habits. It's hard to get rid of those unhealthy beliefs that we've carried around with us for so long.但是期望这种成功，就像期望某种上天的赏赐落入你的怀中一样，就只能带来失望。但我们知道，放弃我们的坏心理习惯，是很难的，很难摆脱那些我们保留了太久的不健康观念。But you can't afford not to give them up. Because sooner or later, you're going to hit a time in your life where you need all the mental strength that you can muster.但你不能不放弃它们，因为你迟早会在生命中遇到一个时刻，为了专注你需要调动所有的精神力量。When I was 23 years old, I thought I had life all figured out. I graduated from grad school. I landed my first big job as a therapist. I got married. And I even bought a house. And I thought, "This is going to be great! I've got this incredible jump start on success." What could go wrong?我23岁的时候，我以为我把人生都弄清楚了，我从研究生院毕业后，找到了第一份重要的心理治疗师工作。然后我结婚了，我甚至买了一栋房子。我想一切都会这么棒的，我在成功的道路上取得了令人难以置信的飞跃，还能出什么差错？That all changed for me one day when I got a phone call from my sister. She said that our mother was found unresponsive and she'd been taken to the hospital. My husband Lincoln and I jumped in the car and rushed to the hospital.但有一天一切都变了。我接到我姐姐的电话，她说我妈妈突然丧失了行动能力，被送到了医院。我丈夫和我跳上车，冲进了医院。We couldn't imagine what could be wrong. My mother was only 51. She didn't have any history of any kind of health problems. When we got to the hospital, doctors explained she'd had a brain aneurysm.我们无法想象会出什么事，我母亲只有51岁，她没有任何病史。我们到了医院后，医生解释说她得了脑动脉瘤。And within 24 hours, my mother, who used to wake up in the morning saying, "It's a great day to be alive," passed away. That news was devastating to me. My mother and I had been very close.在24小时内，我的母亲，那个曾经会在早上醒来说今天还活着真好的人，去世了。那个消息对我来说是毁灭性的，我妈妈和我一直很亲密。As a therapist, I knew on an intellectual level how to go through grief. But knowing it, and doing it, can be two very different things. It took a long time before I felt like I was really healing.作为一名治疗师，我在理智上知道如何度过悲伤。但是，知道和做可能是两件非常不同的事。过了很长一段时间，我才觉得自己真的好起来。And then on the three year anniversary of my mother's death, some friends called, and invited Lincoln and me to a basketball game. Coincidentally, it was being played at the same auditorium where I'd last seen my mother, on the night before she'd passed away.然后在我母亲去世三周年的时候，一些朋友打来电话邀请我和丈夫去看一场篮球赛。巧合的是这场比赛，就是在她去世的前一天晚上，在我最后一次见到我母亲的那个礼堂里进行的。I hadn't been back there since. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go back. But Lincoln and I talked about it, and ultimately we said, "Maybe that would be a good way to honor her memory." So we went to the game. And we actually had a really good time with our friends.母亲去世以后我就再也没有去过，我都不确定我还想不想回去。但林肯和我谈过，最后我们说，也许这是纪念她的好办法，所以我们就去看比赛了。我和朋友度过了非常愉快的时光。On the drive home that night, we talked about how great it was to finally be able to go back to that place, and remember my mother with a smile, rather than all those feelings of sadness.那天晚上开车回家的路上，我们说起来，终于能够回到那个地方，用微笑纪念我的母亲，而不是所有那些悲伤的感觉，这是多么棒的一件事情啊。But shortly after we got home that night, Lincoln said he didn't feel well. A few minutes later, he collapsed. I had to call for an ambulance. His family met me at the emergency room. We waited for what seemed like forever, until finally a doctor came out.但那天晚上我们回到家后不久，林肯说他感觉不舒服，几分钟后他昏倒了。我不得不叫救护车，他的家人在急诊室见我。我们好像等了几个世纪，最后有一位医生出来。But rather than taking us out back to see Lincoln, he took us back to a private room, and sat us down, and explained to us that Lincoln, who was the most adventurous person I'd ever met, was gone. We didn't know at the time, but he'd had a heart attack. He was only 26.但他并没有带我们回去见林肯，而是把我们带回一间私人房间。让我们坐下，并向我们解释，我生命中的最爱冒险的林肯，他已经走了。我们当时不知道他心脏病发作了，他当时只有26岁。He didn't have any history of heart problems. So now I found myself a 26-year-old widow, and I didn't have my mom. I thought, "How am I going to get through this?" And to describe that as a painful period in my life feels like an understatement.他没有心脏病史。所以现在我发现自己成了一个26岁的寡妇，母亲也走了，我在想我怎么才能熬过这一关，把这描述为我生命中的痛苦时期，感觉就像是一种轻描淡写。And it was during that time that I realized when you're really going through tough times, good habits aren't enough. It only takes one or two small habits to really hold you back.正是那段时间里，我意识到，当你真正经历困难的时候，好的习惯是不够的，只需要一两个小的坏习惯，就能真的让你退缩。I worked as hard as I could, not just to create good habits in my life, but to get rid of those small habits, no matter how small they might seem. Throughout it all, I held out hope that someday life could get better. And eventually it did.我努力工作，不只是为了在生活中养成好习惯，而是为了摆脱那些坏习惯，不管它们看起来有多小。从始至终，我都怀着有一天生活会变得更好的希望。最终它实现了。A few years down the road, I met Steve. And we fell in love. And I got remarried. We sold the house that Lincoln and I had lived in, and we bought a new house, in a new area, and I got a new job.几年后，我遇见了史蒂夫，我们相爱了，我再婚了。我卖掉了林肯和我们曾经住过的房子，买了一栋新房子，在一个新的地区，找到了一份工作。But almost as quickly as I breathed my sigh of relief over that fresh start that I had, we got the news that Steve's dad had terminal cancer.当时，当我刚刚开始新的生活，本来刚刚松了一口气的时候，听到了史蒂夫父亲得了癌症晚期的消息。And I started to think, "Why do these things always have to keep happening? Why do I have to keep losing all my loved ones? This isn't fair." But if I'd learned anything, it was that that way of thinking would hold me back.我开始思考，为什么这些事总是要发生呢？为什么我要不断地失去我所有的亲人，这不公平。但如果我学到了什么，那就是这种思维方式只会让我退缩。I knew I was going to need as much mental strength as I could muster, to get through one more loss. So I sat down and I wrote a list of all the things mentally strong people don't do. And I read over that list.我知道我会需要，尽可能多的精神力量，来熬过更多的损失。所以我坐下来写了一张清单，上面列出了精神强健的人，不会做的事情。我看了一遍。It was a reminder of all of those bad habits that I'd done at one time or another, that would keep me stuck. And I kept reading that list over and over. And I really needed it.列出了所有的坏习惯来提醒自己，那些曾经困扰我，可能使我再次陷入困境的习惯。我一遍又一遍地读那份清单，我真的很需要它。Because within a few weeks of writing it, Steve's dad passed away. My journey taught me that the secret to being mentally strong, was that you had to give up your bad mental habits.因为在列出这份清单的几个星期后，史蒂夫的爸爸去世了。我的经历教会了我精神坚强的秘诀，那就是你必须放弃坏的心理习惯。Mental strength is a lot like physical strength. If you wanted to be physically strong, you'd need to go to the gym and lift weights. But if you really wanted to see results, you'd also have to give up eating junk food. Mental strength is the same.精神力量和体力很相似，如果你想要身体强壮，就要去健身房举重，但如果你真的想看到成效，你就要放弃吃垃圾食品。精神力量也是一样的。If you want to be mentally strong, you need good habits like practicing gratitude. But you also have to give up bad habits, like resenting somebody else's success. No matter how often that happens, it will hold you back.如果你想变得坚强，你需要养成好的习惯，比如感恩。但你也必须放弃坏习惯，比如嫉妒别人的成功。不管这种事情是否经常发生，它都会阻碍你进步。So, how do you train your brain to think differently? How do you give up those bad mental habits that you've carried around with you? It starts by countering those unhealthy beliefs that I talked about, with healthier ones.那么你如何训练你的大脑，以不同的方式思考呢？你怎样能放弃那些，你一直有的坏心理习惯。要从对抗那些，我说过的不健康的认知开始，养成更健康的认知。For example, unhealthy beliefs about ourselves mostly come about because we're uncomfortable with our feelings. Feeling sad, or hurt, or angry, or scared, those things are all uncomfortable. So we go to great lengths to avoid that discomfort.例如对自己不健康的认知，主要来源于我们对自己不舒服的感觉。觉得悲伤、受伤、愤怒、害怕，这些事情都是不舒服的，所以我们尽了最大的努力来避免这种不适，We try to escape it by doing things like hosting a pity party. And although that's a temporary distraction, it just prolongs the pain. The only way to get through uncomfortable emotions, the only way to deal with them, is you have to go through them.我们会试着，通过不断怜悯自己来逃避，尽管这只是暂时分散注意力，但它只会延长痛苦，克服不舒服情绪的唯一方法。也是处理它们的唯一方法，就是你必须经历它们。To let yourself feel sad, and then move on. To gain confidence in your ability to deal with that discomfort. Unhealthy beliefs about others come about because we compare ourselves to other people.让自己感到悲伤，然后继续前行，以帮助你获得足够的心理能力，来获得处理不适的能力。对别人有不健康的认知，是因为我们把自己和别人作比较。We think that they're either above us or below us. Or we think that they can control how we feel, or that we can control how they behave. Or we blame them for holding us back. But really, it's our own choices that do that.我们认为他们不是比我们好，就是比我们坏，或者我们认为他们可以做更好或者我们可以控制他们的行为，要不就怪他们拖我们的后腿。但说真的，一切都是我们自己的选择。You have to accept that you're your own person, and other people are separate from you. The only person you should compare yourself to, is the person that you were yesterday.你必须承认你是自己一个人，其他人和你没有关系的，你唯一应该拿自己作比较的人，就是你昨天的那个人。And unhealthy beliefs about the world come about because deep down, we want the world to be fair. We want to think that if we put in enough good deeds, enough good things will happen to us. Or if we tough it out through enough bad times, we'll get some sort of reward.之所以会对世界产生不健康的认知，是因为在内心深处，我们希望世界是公平的。我们做了足够多的善事，就会想应当得到足够多的回报。或者我们熬过了足够多的困难时期，我们会得到某种奖励。But ultimately you have to accept that life isn't fair. And that can be liberating. Yeah, it means you won't necessarily be rewarded for your goodness, but it also means no matter how much you've suffered, you're not doomed to keep suffering.但最终你必须接受生活是不公平的。这是一种解脱，是的，这意味着你不一定会因为你的善良，而得到回报，这也意味着无论你遭受了多少痛苦，都不能代表你还会继续受苦。The world doesn't work that way. Your world is what you make it. But of course before you can change your world, you have to believe that you can change it.世界不是这样运作的，你的世界是由你创造的，当然，你可以改变你的世界之前，你必须相信你可以改变它。I once worked with this man who had been diabetic for years. His doctor referred him to therapy because he had some bad mental habits that were starting to affect his physical health. His mother had died from complications of diabetes at a young age,我曾经和一个患糖尿病多年的人一起工作，他的医生让他去接受治疗，因为他有一些坏的心理习惯，这些坏习惯已经开始影响他的身体健康了。他的母亲在很小的时候就死于糖尿病并发症，so he just believed he was doomed, and he'd given up trying to manage his blood sugar altogether. In fact, his blood sugar had gotten so high lately, that it was starting to affect his vision. And he had his driver's license taken away. And his world was shrinking.所以他认为自己注定要死。于是就放弃了控制血糖的努力。事实上他的血糖最近太高了，已经开始影响他的视力了，他的驾照也被吊销了，他的世界正在缩小。When he came into my office, it was clear he knew all the things he could do to manage his blood sugar. He just didn't think it was worth the effort. But eventually, he agreed to make one small change.当他来到我的办公室时，他很清楚的知道所有能控制他血糖的方式，他只是觉得不值得让自己付出这么大的努力。但最终他同意做一个小小的改变。He said, "I'll give up my two liter-a-day Pepsi habit, and I'll trade it in for Diet Pepsi." And he couldn't believe how quickly his numbers started to improve. And even though he came every week to remind me how horrible Diet Pepsi tasted, he stuck with it.他说，我要放弃每天喝两升百事可乐的习惯，并开始喝健怡可乐，他好转的速度让他自己都不敢相信，尽管他每周都会来，提醒我，百事可乐有多难喝，但他还在坚持喝下去。And once he started to see a little bit of improvement, he said, "Well, maybe I could look at some of my other habits." He said, "I could trade in my nightly bowl of ice cream for a snack with a little less sugar."而一旦他开始看到了一些改善。他说也许我该尝试些其他的习惯了，他说我可以把我每晚的一碗冰淇淋，换成一份糖分少的一点零食，And then one day he was at a thrift store with some friends, and he found this beat-up old exercise bike. He bought it for a couple of bucks, and he brought it home, and he parked it in front of his TV.然后有一天他和一些朋友在家旧货店里，发现了一辆破旧的健身自行车，他花了几块钱就把它买了回去，然后把它放在电视机前。And he started to pedal while he'd watch some of his favorite shows every night. And not only did he lose weight, but one day, he noticed he could see the TV just a little bit more clearly than he had before.每天晚上他看自己最喜欢的节目的时候，他就开始踩着踏板，后来他不仅体重减轻了，而且有天注意到，他看的电视比以前看得更清楚了。And suddenly it occurred to him, maybe the damage done to his eyesight wasn't permanent. So he set a new goal for himself — to get his driver's license back. And from that day forward, he was on fire.他突然想起来，也许他的视力受到的损害不是永久性的。所以他为自己设定了一个新的目标，拿回他的驾照。从那天起他就开始发力了。By the end of our time together, he was coming in every week saying, "OK, what are we going to do this week?" Because he finally believed that he could change his world. And that he had the mental strength to change it.当我们在一起的时候，他每周都会来我这里。然后跟我说，好吧，这周我们该做什么，因为他终于相信他能改变自己的世界了，他有足够的精神力量去改变这一切。And that he could give up his bad mental habits. And it all started with just one small step. So I invite you to consider what bad mental habits are holding you back?可以改掉他的坏心理习惯，一切都是从一小步开始的。所以我邀请你考虑一下，是哪些坏习惯阻碍了你的进步？What unhealthy beliefs are keeping you from being as mentally strong as you could be? And what's one small step that you could take today? Right here, right now. Thank you.是什么不健康的认知，让你不能像你所能做到的那样的坚强，你今天能迈出怎样的一小步？就从这里开始，从现在开始吧。谢谢。
