积极心理学最后一课笔记

写在前面：这个课程真的是我目前最喜欢的课程，没有之一。不仅因为讲述了很多治愈的句子，还有很多实操的方法，而且每节课将近90分钟，整个课程跟下来，会像慢慢品味一顿满汉全席一样，细嚼慢咽各种菜品，到了最后一课，作为屏幕面前的我都有些舍不得结束。所以真的强烈强烈强烈地推荐给大家。

这是积极心理学的最后一课，也是Tal老师在哈佛大学讲授积极心理学的最后一课，课程的最开始就有一些伤感散发于整个教室。

Tal老师在这节课上做的除了播放一支关于saying goodbye的视频之外，第一件事是问学生们，我现在非常紧张，我该怎么办？

学生们回复了很多答案，也刚好是之前Tal之前课上教授的方法，比如深呼吸、冥想、锻炼、拥抱某人，以及，it’s ok to be nervous, 紧张很正常，接受它的存在。

接着，让学生写出这学期至少两件对自己特别有意义的事儿，同时也写出两个对自己的承诺，可以是行为上的改变，也可以是态度上的改变。

再然后，让同学们站起来分享一下，当然第一个吃螃蟹的人会需要巨大的勇气，所以Tal鼓励说，“courage is not about not having fear, it’s about having fear and going ahead anyway. If courage was about not having fear, I would not be teaching this class. ”

分享的过程中，Tal大多也会做出点评，或点头称赞，或补充说明，比如有的同学说以前自己有拖延症，听了Tal老师的课知道了，拖延症实际并不可怕，而且大多数人都有，于是Tal补充到：“70% of students in universities complain about procrastination, it’s a huge issue, and one of the ways to overcome it, the best way to overcome it is to just do it, just start. Remember the five minute take-off, that’s so important. ”

之后学生也提到了：

1. appreciate

2. the most personal is the most general

3. learn to fail or fail to learn, it’s part of our life.

4. more is not always better. not easy to simply, that’s so very important.

5. every day is a beautiful day and to be grateful for that somehow makes it easier to go out and try to do things that maybe even we didn’t like.

还有一个学生站起来的发言很有意思，因为她并没有什么特别想说的，而是就在话筒握在自己手里的时候，希望说些什么，于是就站了起来，表达完之后，赢得了大家一致的掌声，是呀，这就是由自己主动的行动而引发的变化，一个非常活生生的例子。

还有一个即将毕业的大四学生说了一段感人肺腑的话，也表示自己到大四才上这门课的遗憾，她说，整个大学阶段，最重要的并不是你的论文、你的一些讨论的问题，而是周围的同学，因为当你毕业了以后可能再也没有机会和他们共度美好时光了，“it’s very important to prioritize what is meaningful for you and what you really, really want to do in this school, because before you know it it will over.”

接下来Tal讲述的内容主要是对以往课程的一个总结。他告诉学生们，你们毕业后的生活依旧会是起起伏伏，不同的是你知道了这很正常，接受那些不如意的事儿，就像接受万有引力一样。

you are going to continue to have those ups and downs, the only difference i hope that you will experience now is that when you experience a painful emotion you will look at it and say “oh, i’m human, it hurts, i wish it weren’t that way, but i accept it, just like you accept the law of gravity. because the law of gravity is as much part of physical nature as painful emotion is a part of human nature.” permission to be human.

简化你的生活！在现实生活中有越来越多的好事儿，但是我们需要不断的做减法，在适当的时候说不，找寻出对你真正重要的事儿，并为之努力。

there can be too much of a good thing, easier said than done to simplify. but remember that a much better predictor of well being than material affluence is time affluence. simplify. assert yourself say no at times when it’s appropriate, find out what you really really want to do with your life and do it.

培养亲密关系，投入你的时间。

to cultivate relationship means to invest in them, to put time into them, to share, to open up.

“鸡尾酒”的四个组成部分分别是：

1. 每周四次锻炼，每次30分钟

2. 做瑜伽或者冥想，如果时间不允许，那就多做几次深呼吸

3. 每天大概8小时的睡眠时间

4. 触摸、拥抱

1. exercise at least four times a week for 30 minutes

2. if you can, if you are interested, do some formal yoga or mindful meditation, sitting meditation, if not, at the very least breathe, breathe deeply a few times a day. three deep breathes can make a big difference.

3. sleep. when possible 8 hours or somewhere around 8 hours a night of sleep

4. and touch. hug, embrace- and underused sense is so important.

让别人逐渐的了解你，而不是急于让他人给你肯定，尤其是在培养亲密关系的时候。

be known rather than be validated. whether it’s with our romantic partner, our family, our friends, our colleagues, our class. the foundation of the growth of intimacy and passion in long term relationships.

最后Tal老师再次强调“改变”，因为所有的这些方法，虽说堪称灵丹妙药，但如果没有行动，那么和没有上过课的人将完全一样，没有任何变化。

Peter Drucker said "Don’t call me to tell me how wonderful it was, call me and tell me what you are doing differently." This is the core of change.

Carlton’s study shows that the people who succeed, the most who are the happiest succeed the most in the ultimate currency in a long term ones who are lifelong learners, always asking questions, always finding out more. but there are many people with good intentions, but good intentions are not enough. what we also need is the foundation, the empirical, rigorous, scientific foundation of things that work. and when we know these things, then we pay them forward, then we share them.

最后，Tal说了一段话，是精简的总结，也是非常暖心的叮嘱：

So each time you go to one of those wonderful places, exotic or otherwise, remember to simplify, remember to take care of yourself, remember to exercise, remember to assert yourself and say no when appropriate, remember to cultivate your relationships, remember what it is that is really really important for you in your life. 

所以今后大家无论在何时何地，都记得要给生活做减法、记得照顾好你自己、记得锻炼、记得懂得拒绝、记得培养亲密关系、记得在你的生命中，什么对你才是真真正正重要的。