该继续or结束一段感情关系？这里有36个问题
按我哥的话说，这是我的“每天一个分手小技巧”又上线了
所以，我必须得在开头说一句：跪求大家不要把我对号入座，这篇真的跟我自己没关系……
起因是，总有小伙伴时不时问我一点感情关系相关的问题。问职业、问个人成长、问写作还行，问感情我真的回答不上来啊
前几天翻Kindle，碰巧看到这本两年前读过的《Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay》。
我想，分享出来应该对很多人有用。
是否该结束一段关系？这可能是很多人都思考过的一个问题。但大家往往只是自己凭空一通瞎想，然后凭感觉就判了生死。
其实不太对。
这本书的作者是一位专业咨询师，见过无数的真实婚姻案例，最终总结成了这本书。
她提出，一段关系是否该继续or结束，其实可以进行「诊断」；而这本书就分为两部分：第一部分，讲真实案例+基本思路；第二部分，给出36个诊断问题，并进行了详细分析。
我把这36个问题分享出来，大家自取。
原书是英文，翻译过来多少会扭曲原意，所以我就放上原文了。都是比较简单的英文。
另外，原作者的观点是：36个问题只要有1个指向“结束”，那就说明一段关系应该结束。但我感觉，如果按这个标准，那99.99%的家庭恐怕日子都没法过了。
所以真的不能死读书啊，要命。
如果你对感情关系存在困惑，可以借以进行一次诊断；通过这些问题，你能够对自己所处的关系有一个更清晰的认识，这才是意义所在。
最后就是再次声明：我是本着「成长」和「分享」的原则，觉得应该对大家有用，所以才分享一出来。切勿把我对号入座。
此处抱紧自己狗头。
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Diagnostic question #1.
Think about that time when things between you and your partner were at their best. Looking back, would you now say that things were really very good between you then?
Has there been more than one incident of physical violence in your relationship?
Have you already made a concrete commitment to pursue a course of action or lifestyle that definitely excludes your partner?
Diagnostic question #4.
If God or some omniscient being said it was okay to leave, would you feel tremendously relieved and have a strong sense that finally you could end your relationship?
Your answer here is only meaningful if a clear, definite yes came through without hesitation or confusion. If you have to stop to analyze your feelings to see if your answer is yes, it's not yes.
Diagnostic question #5.
In spite of your problems, do you and your partner have even one positively pleasurable activity or interest (besides children) you currently share and look forward to sharing in the future, something you do together that you both like and that gives both of you a feeling of closeness for a while?
Diagnostic question #6.
Would you say that to you your partner is basically nice, reasonably intelligent, not too neurotic, okay to look at, and most of the time smells all right?
Diagnostic question #7.
Does your partner bombard you with difficulties when you try to get even the littlest thing you want; and is it your experience that almost any need you have gets obliterated; and if you ever do get what you want, is getting it such an ordeal that you don't feel it was worth all the effort?
Diagnostic question #8.
Do you have a basic, recurring, never-completely-going-away feeling of humiliation or invisibility in your relationship?
Diagnostic question #9.
Does it seem to you that your partner generally and consistently blocks your attempts to bring up topics or raise questions, particularly about things you care about?
Diagnostic question #10.
Have you gotten to the point, when your partner says something, that you usually feel it’s more likely that he’s lying than that he’s telling the truth?
Diagnostic question #11.
In spite of admirable qualities, and stepping back from any temporary anger or disappointment, do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to like you?
Diagnostic question #12.
Do you feel willing to give your partner more than you’re giving already, and are you willing to do this the way things are between you now, without any expectation of being paid back?
Diagnostic question #13.
Do both you and your partner want to touch each other and look forward to touching each other and make efforts to touch each other?
Diagnostic question #14.
Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner?
Diagnostic question #15.
Does your partner neither see nor admit things you’ve tried to get him to acknowledge that make your relationship too bad to stay in?
Diagnostic question #16.
Is there something your partner does that makes your relationship too bad to stay in and that he acknowledges but that, for all intents and purposes, he’s unwilling to do anything about?
Diagnostic question #17.
This problem your partner has that makes you want to leave: have you tried to let it go, ignore it, stop letting it bother you? And were you successful?
Diagnostic question #18.
As you think about your partner’s problem that makes your relationship too bad to stay in, does he acknowledge it and is he willing to do something about it and is he able to change?
Diagnostic question #19.
Has your partner violated what for you is a bottom line?
Diagnostic question #20.
Is there a clearly formulated, passionately held difference between you that has to do with the shape and texture and quality of your life as you actually experience it?
Diagnostic question #21.
In spite of all the ways you’re different, would you say that deep down or in some respect that’s important to you your partner is someone just like you in a way you feel good about?
Diagnostic question #22.
With your new, more complete, more realistic set of information about what it would be like for you if you left, have you discovered new, more probable realities that now make leaving seem impossibly difficult or unpleasant?
Diagnostic question #23.
With your new, more complete, more realistic set of information about what it would be like to leave, have you discovered new, more probable realities that now make leaving seem easier, more attractive, and make staying no longer desirable?
Diagnostic question #24.
Does your partner do such a good job of conveying the idea that you’re a nut or a jerk or a loser or an idiot about parts of yourself that are important to you that you’ve started to really become demonstrably convinced of it yourself?
Diagnostic question #25.
As you think about your partner’s disrespect, is it clear to you that you do everything possible to limit your contact with your partner, except for times where you absolutely must interact?
Diagnostic question #26.
Do you feel that your partner, overall and more often than not, shows concrete support for and genuine interest in the things you’re trying to do that are important to you?
Diagnostic question #27.
Would you lose anything important in your life if your partner were no longer your partner? Is what you’d lose something that makes you feel good about your partner for being able to provide it?
Diagnostic question #28.
Whatever was done that caused hurt and betrayal, do you have the sense that the pain and damage has lessened with time?
Diagnostic question #29.
Is there a demonstrated capacity and mechanism for genuine forgiveness in your relationship?
Diagnostic question #30.
Is it likely that, if you have a reasonable need, you and your partner will be able to work out a way for you to get it met without too painful a struggle?
Diagnostic question #31.
Is there some particular need that’s so important to you that if you don’t get it met, looking back you’ll say that your life wasn’t satisfying, and are you starting to get discouraged about ever being able to get it met?
Diagnostic question #32.
Given the way your partner acts, does it feel as though in getting close to you what he’s most interested in is subjecting you to his anger and criticism?
Diagnostic question #33.
When the subject of intimacy comes up between you and your partner, is there generally a battle over what intimacy is and how to get it?
Diagnostic question #34.
Does your relationship support your having fun together?
Diagnostic question #35.
Do you currently share goals and dreams for your life together?
Diagnostic question #36.
If all the problems in your relationship were magically solved today, would you still feel ambivalent about whether to stay or leave?
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