英语口语
此生能遇见你，已然
幸福得一塌糊涂
吉米老师前言：你以为的用心良苦，有可能是恶魔背后的那只手……
部分英文来源网站Brightside，图片来源网络，由英语口语整理编辑，转载需注明出处
Around 700,000 children are abused every year in the U.S. alone.We may assume that as long as we don’t spank our kids, it’s of no concern to us.But we forget about emotional abuse.According to a UNICEF analysis of 68 studies, the incidence of emotional abuse among Children aged 0 to 17 in China is 19.6%; The incidence of neglect was 26.0%.UNICEF（联合国儿童基金会）曾对 68 篇研究文献进行分析，结果显示中国 0～17 岁儿童中：遭受情感虐待的发生率为 19.6%；遭受忽视的发生率为 26.0%。A random word we blurt out without even thinking can lead to anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.我们未曾思考就脱口而出的某一个词，都可能会导致孩子的焦虑，抑郁，或自卑。What kind of words that we think we have good intentions but brought harm to our children in the future?有哪些自以为用心良苦，却给孩子以后生活带来了伤害的话呢？
1. Comparing your child to others
将你的孩子与他人进行比较
If you compare your child with your best friend’s “perfect son,” they won’t be able to see the correct image of themselves and will feel like losers.如果你把你的孩子和你闺蜜的'完美儿子'进行比较，他们将无法正确认识自己的形象，会觉得自己是失败者。Favoritism among siblings, in its turn, leads to an unnecessary rivalry between them.发生在兄弟姐妹之间的偏袒，反过来又导致他们之间不必要的竞争。More than that, one of them will feel unloved while the other one will have to bear the burden of the ideal child that has to do everything in the best way in order to keep the position.更重要的是，他们中的某一个会感到不被爱，而另一个将不得不承担理想孩子的负担，必须以最好的方式做一切，以保持地位。According to this study, if you favor one child over another, it results in more depression symptoms when they grow up.
根据这项研究，如果你偏爱一个孩子，会在他们长大后导致更多的抑郁症状。
2. Denying your child’s feelings
Sure enough, a broken toy may seem unimportant in comparison to having to pay the bills every month, but it doesn’t mean that a child doesn’t have the right to feel emotional about it.当然，和每个月要付的账单相比，一个坏了的玩具似乎不重要，但这并不意味着孩子没有权利因为玩具产生情绪。When this happens, kids learn to suppress their joy, sadness, or anger and grow up to be adults who are unable to express themselves or build stable relationships with people.当这种情况发生时，孩子们学会抑制他们的快乐、悲伤或愤怒，长大后成为无法表达自己或与他人建立稳定关系的成年人。According to this research, it can be hard for them to bear their intense emotions in the future, which can cause depression and anxiety when they become adults.根据这项研究，他们将来很难承受强烈的情绪，成年后会导致抑郁和焦虑。
3. Gaslighting or lying to your kids
对孩子进行操纵或撒谎
（注：Gaslighting”（煤气灯）：在心理学上指一种心理操纵方式，即操纵者倒打一耙，试图让对方去质疑自己对事实的理解、记忆或观点。）You gaslight when you make a person feel uncertain about their memory by telling lies or just mildly changing the given information.当你说谎或略微改变已知的信息，让一个人对他们的记忆感到不确定时，你就会用进行心理操纵。This can also happen when you pretend you never made a promise to your child.当你假装从未向你的孩子许下诺言时，这种情况也可能发生。It will make them doubt themselves and the world around them, which can result in low self-esteem.This can lead to anxiety, depression, and in extreme cases, psychosis.可能会导致焦虑、抑郁，在极端情况下，甚至导致精神病。
4. Loving them conditionally
有条件地爱他们
We’re sure you don’t mean any harm by saying things like this.On the contrary, you want to push your child forward and motivate them.While this is what you think, what your child hears is: “Other people and I will only love you if you do everything perfectly.虽然这是你所想，你的孩子听到的却是：'我们所有人都会很爱你，如果你做的一切都很完美。You yourself are not worthy of love without your accomplishments.”This shows that we have excessive demands when it comes to performance.
5. Questioning their abilities
质疑他们的能力
This doesn’t help a kid to try harder.It actually has the opposite effect.The more you point out their incapabilities, the higher the chance that they’ll give up.Such phrases from parents make children lose confidence in themselves, which will lead to depression and anxiety when they grow up.父母的这些话会使孩子对自己失去信心，这会导致他们长大后的抑郁和焦虑。
6. Labeling them with their mental abilities and/or physical features
While kids are always told to ignore hurtful things that bullies say to them, they can’t always do the same when it comes to their parents’ words.虽然孩子们总是被告知要忽略欺负者对他们说的伤人的话，但当谈到父母的话时，他们并不能总做到忽略。Whether you’re pointing out their physical or mental disabilities, it distorts the image they have of themselves.无论你指出他们的身体残疾或精神残疾，它都会扭曲他们对自己的形象认知。It may result in emergence of a variety of psychiatric problems including eating disorders.
7. Making them feel like they owe you something
让他们觉得自己欠你一些东西
Sure, you likely had to make sacrifices to have kids.But it was your choice to have them.Don’t shift the responsibility onto them.They don’t have to feel guilty because of your decisions.In some cases it may lead to pathological guilt that in its turn is associated with various neurosis including obsessive-compulsive disorder.在某些情况下，这可能导致病理罪恶感，进而与各种神经症相关，包括强迫症。In any case, everyone’s birth has no choice, no matter whether the child is smart or not, don’t forget your love for him.无论如何，每个人的出生都无法选择，不论孩子聪明与否，别忘了你对他的爱。
