3分钟学会一个雅思7分句（七十四） / 开普饭

3分钟学会一个雅思7分句系列，

每次教你学会一个7分句子。

雅思7分作文，

就是日复一日、点点滴滴的积累。

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons?

Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

学生在利弊分析中写了这样一个句子：

However, the adverse effects brought by it outweigh the positive effects of it. When the development continues, cities and countryside will be harmful. More and more people go to the city, increasing the pressures of traffic, education, and employment.

教师修改后如下：

However, the adverse effects brought by it outweigh the positive ones. If this mobility of human resource continues without moderate control, consequences may confront both urban and rural areas. For instance, as an increasing number of people move to the city, pressures, such as severe competition in education and employment in cities and the scarcity of labor force in villages, can be intense.

Ø 写作中要常使用代词，原句第一句最后的effects of it 被替换成ones，更符合评分标准对于CC的要求。

Ø 上下文句意要符合逻辑（TR）。学生认为该现象若持续下去，会导致城市和乡村变得“有害”。但学生是把逻辑弄混了，实际上是这种现象的“有害性”，会对城市和乡村造成影响。因此改写时将主语作了替换，将城市和乡村地区作为了城乡人口流动这一动作的受动者来写。

Ø 举例也要有衔接，就算收尾也不能仓促。上一个句子说到城乡都会受到负面影响，但举例却仅对城市作了说明，论证不够充分，CC会因此失分。写作要适当学会“瞻前顾后”。