【书面表达】20年阅卷老师揭秘：英语作文想拿高分的杀手锏！
写英语作文，总是会不经意的蹦出一系列类似口语化的简单表述，于是就被阅卷老师认定为英语水平不那么高……为了让阅卷老师见识到我们的“真实水平”，着实需要下一番功夫，比如可以从把简单句变“高级”开始。
1.
形式 “活” 起来
插入 在句中插入某些成分，起补充、说明作用。最明显的特征是被插入成分前后都用逗号隔开。
You and I are teenagers. It offers teenagers a chance. We can enjoy sports and learn about Chinese culture.
→
It offers teenagers, like you and me, a chance to enjoy sports and learn about Chinese culture.
嵌入 在某一分句中嵌入另一分句，构成句中句。最常见的情况是：定语从句嵌入宾语从句中、感叹句嵌入宾语从句中、名词性从句嵌入强调句型中。
We are told something. We doubt whether it is true. We are in the habit of raising doubts. We can find the correct answer. We can learn more.
→
If we are in the habit of raising doubts as to whether what we are told is true, we can find the correct answer and learn more.
前置 将正常词序下通常较晚出现的成分移至句首，使之处于突出的位置从而受到特殊的强调，这种手段为前置。
I really want to obtain this precious opportunity. I will be able to improve my organizational ability, communication skills as well as my confidence in speaking English in public by offering my service.
→
I really want to obtain this precious opportunity because, by offering my service, I will be able to improve my organizational ability, communication skills as well as my confidence in speaking English in public.
后置 在遣词造句时将最重要的内容置于句尾，使之处于突出地位，这种手段为后置。故造句时应避免头重脚轻，注意句子结构的匀称。在名词性从句中，借助it作形式主语或形式宾语，将真正的主语或宾语后置；在同位语从句中，主语太长而谓语太短，将同位语从句后置；使用全部倒装，将主语后置。
The test will enhance the examinee's consciousness of health. On the contrary it will also be more likely to result in over anxiety. People all said that.
→
It's said that the test will enhance the examinee's consciousness of health, but on the contrary it will also be more likely to result in over anxiety.
同位 对与之同位的名词或短语提供补充说明的成分称之为同位语，可以是一个词也可以是一个完整的句子。为表示同位概念，也可使用连接性状语namely / that's / in other words / such as 等，还可使用破折号表示。
DNA test is a new technique. It is done by analyzing the saliva sample. It appears in the foreign medical industry.
→
DNA test, a new technique, which is done by analyzing the saliva sample, appears in the foreign medical industry.
2
内容 “实” 起来
遣词
01 词汇的升级
(1) I think that reading is important.
→ I deem that reading is essential / fundamental.
→ I argue that reading really matters /counts.
→ I maintain that reading is crucial.
→ I hold that reading is significant /primary / critical.
(2) We can look at this problem in many ways.
→ We can view this problem in many facets / aspects / respects.
02 单词和短语巧妙互用
(1) I think that reading is important.
→ I hold the belief that reading plays an important role in our life.
→ I harbor the opinion that reading is of vital importance.
→ I hold the position that reading means a great deal to our life.
→ I am under the impression that nothing is more crucial to our life than reading.
→ From my perspective, reading is to our life what water is to fish.
→ As far as I am concerned, the importance of reading to our life can never be exaggerated / denied / ignored / doubted.
(2) I will never forget the pleasant experience.
→ The pleasant experience leaves a deep impression on me.
→ The pleasant experience is deeply / firmly rooted in my memory.
→ The pleasant experience will never be fading from my mind / memory.
(3) I sincerely hope that you will consider my suggestions.
→ It is my sincere hope that you will take my proposals into account /consideration.
(4) Quite a few things caused the traffic accident.
→ Quite a few things triggered the traffic accident.
→ Quite a few things gave rise to the traffic accident.
→ Quite a few things lead to / result in the traffic accident.
(5) I love reading.
→ I am crazy about / fond of / into /feel like reading.
→ I possess great interest in reading.
→ Reading exerts a tremendous fascination on me.
→ I am obsessed with reading.
→ I am captured by reading.
03短语的升级
(1)try to do sth→ take pains to do sth→ do one’s utmost to do sth→ exhaust every effort in one’s power to do sth→ spare no effort to do sth→ go all out to do sth
If I am lucky enough to be chosen to become a volunteer, I will do my utmost to serve the children in the remote areas.I will spare no effort to build the hope into a bridge between the children in the remote areas and the volunteers like me.In order to make it a better place for us and children, I will exhaust every effort in my power.
(2)have to→be forced to do sth→be obliged to do sth→ have no choice but to do sth→have no alternative but to do sth
Some poor students have to do some part-time jobs to earn money in order to continue their education.Some poverty-stricken students have no choice but to do some part-time jobs to earn money in order to continue their education.
造句
01吸引眼球的定语从句
找准信息的最佳结合点，在某一关键信息词后接定语从句，以此将简单句压缩，实现巧妙 “嫁接”。
（1）Chaplin was a famous director. He directed a number of films, and most of them were silent. They were popular with people.
→ Chaplin, who was a distinguished director, directed a sea of films,most of which were silent and appealed to people of all ages.
(2) After all the guests got up and left, half of the dishes were left untouched, and this result was out of my expectation.
→After all the guests got up and left, half of the dishes were left untouched, which was out of my expectation.
(3) Take Abraham Lincoln, for example. He was born in a poor family, and only received a limited education. Yet through his painstaking effort, he changed not only his own fate but also the history of America. Even to this day, Lincoln is regarded as one of the most inspiring figures in the world.
→Take Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a poor family, for example, he only received a limited education, but through his painstaking effort, he changed not only his own fate but also the history of America, which also made him one of the most inspiring figures in the world even to this day. →…but through his painstaking effort, not only did he change his own fate, but he also transformed the history of America…
(4)The girl is spoken highly of, for her composition is well written.
→ The girl, whose composition is well written, is spoken highly of.
→ The reason why the girl is spoken highly of is that her composition is well written.
→ It is because her composition is well written that the girl is spoken highly of.
(5) In that picture, three students are sitting around the table. There are three books on it.
→ As is vividly shown in the picture, around the table on which are three books are seated three students.
→ As we can see from the picture, around the table with three books on it are seated three students.
02灵活好用的名词性从句
根据意义需要巧妙地将其中的一个简单句融为另一个简单句的句子成分，从而实现两个简单句的完美对接。
(1)He said a lot at the meeting. His words were very attractive.
→ What he said at the meeting was exceedingly appealing.
→ It is what he said at the meeting that was exceedingly appealing.
(2)We fear fear.
→ What we have to fear is fear itself.
→ It is fear itself that we have to fear.
(3)Our women volleyball team had won the championship. The news encouraged us all greatly.
→ The news that our women volleyball team had won the championship encouraged us all greatly.
→ That our women volleyball team had won the championship encouraged us all greatly.
→ It was extremely inspiring that our women volleyball team had won the championship.
→ All of us were greatly heartened by the news that our women volleyball team had won the championship.
→ What our women volleyball team had won greatly heartened us all.
→ All of us were greatly inspired by what our women volleyball team had won.
→ It is the news that our women volleyball team had won the championship that encouraged us all greatly.
(4)Not your money, but you interest me most.
→ What interests me most is not your money but you.
→ It is not your money, but you that appeal to me most.
I love not your body, but your soul.
→ What I love is not your body, but your soul.
→ It is not your body, but your soul that I love.
03富有文采的状语从句
依据前后逻辑关系使用从属连词将简单句连接起来。注意要点间的关联，防止强拉硬扯。
(1)He heard the news. The Chinese women’s football team beat the US team. He was so happy that he could not go to sleep.
→ When / Instantly / Immediately / Directly he heard the news that the Chinese women’s football team beat the US team, he was so happy that he could not go to sleep.
→ (Upon / On) hearing the news that the Chinese women’s football team beat the US team, so happy was he that he could not go to sleep.
→ The moment /minute / instant he heard the news that the Chinese women’s football team beat the US team, so happy was he that he could not go to sleep.
(2)If I had the chance, I would make donations to orphans eager to gain future success through learning.
→ Given / Considering / Seeing that I had the chance, I would make donations to orphans eager to gain future success through learning.
→ Providing / Provided / Suppose / Supposing that I had the chance, I would make donations to orphans eager to gain future success through learning.
→ I would make donations to orphans eager to gain future success through learning on condition that I had the chance.
(3) Though he is a child, he is learned.
→ While he is a child, he is learned.
→ Child as / though he is, he is learned.
(3)All the fish in the river did not die out until the villagers realized how serious the problem is.
→ Not until all the fish in the river did die out did the villagers realize how serious the problem is.
→ It is not until all the fish in the river did die out that the villagers realized how serious the problem is.
04非谓语和“独立”是一家
(1)The teacher walked out of the lab, and some students followed him
→ The teacher walked out of the lab, (with) some students following him.
→ The teacher, followed by some students, walked out of the lab.
(2)When false is taken for true, true becomes false.
→ With false taken for true, true becomes false.
→ False taken for true, true becomes false.
(3) I thought that his solution might be wrong. I carefully analyzed the problem. I tried to work it out in a different way.
→ Thinking that his solution might be wrong, I carefully analyzed the problem and tried to work it out in a different way.
05修辞手法不可少
(1)To finish the work ahead of time, they have been busy recently.
→ To accomplish the work ahead of time, they have been as busy as a bee recently.
(2)Beijing held the opening ceremony of the 29th Olympic Games successfully at August 8th, 2008.
→ August 8th, 2008 saw Beijing holding the opening ceremony of the 29th Olympic Games successfully.
(3) We must take effective measures to handle / tackle the problem.
→ Effective measures must be taken to handle / tackle the problem.
（4）Of the two, I think the latter is the better.
→ Of the two, the latter wins my favor.
(5) Reading can enrich our mind, enlarge our horizons, and mature our personality.Humor help us bear our burdens, lessen our tension, overcome our frustration, relax ourselves, and make life easier.Many students, if not most, find it impossible to resist the temptation to indulge themselves in playing games, enjoying romance with girls, or killing time passively in the dorms. When it approaches graduation, as a result, they find their academic records less impressive.
06仿写——似是而非
(1)A is to B what / as C is to D
A book is to the mind what food is to the body.A positive attitude is to life what the sun is to the earth.Honesty is to the people as life is to the creature.Cleanness is to the can teen what water is to the fish.
(2) Helen is the most beautiful girl.
→ Helen is one of the most beautiful girls.
→ Helen is one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen.
→ No one is more beautiful than Helen in the world.Nothing is more important than health, because without good health, we would have nothing, including happiness.Nothing is more important than honesty, because without honesty, we would have nothing, including love and even success. Nothing is more important than friends, because without friends, we would have nothing, including happiness.
(3) Dream never fails to enable us to be a better pilot of our life.Diligence never fails to enable us to be a better pilot of languages.Love never fails to enable us to be a better pilot of our family.A sincere heart never fails to enable us to be a better pilot of our friends.Women are usually attracted by beautiful clothes.Beautiful clothes always catch women’s eyes.Beautiful clothes never fail to fascinate women.Ads never fail to exert a tremendous fascination on people.Exams never fail to exert tremendous pressure on us students.A reasonable educational system never fails to exert a positive influence on our country.
试题回顾
假定你是李华，你的新西兰朋友Terry将去中国朋友家做客，发邮件向你询问有关习俗。请你回复邮件，内容包括：
注意：
本文是一篇电子邮件类应用文写作。餐桌礼仪也是考生比较熟悉的话题。成文时注意以下几点：
一、内容要点要齐全：
主要用一般现在时和将来时；
第二、三人称。
1. 浏览信息要点。
2. 三个任务点，第一段内容：问候对方，马上呈现对方所涉及的话题，拜访中国家庭，做客时间的要求和忌讳! 第二段内容：做客拜访的合适礼物，可以适当延展，初次拜访，亲密朋友之间拜访，二次拜访，家庭情况适合的礼物，通用的礼物等。第三段：table manners,可以描述两三个通常的中国人的餐桌礼节和忌讳的地方，有鲜明特色之处，最后一句表达祝愿。
3. 时态，给对方的建议和说明，用一般现在时，描述风俗礼仪这是客观规律性的东西，用一般现在时。
4. 头脑风暴短语、句型结构，开始打草稿。
5. 行文。
6. 检查拼写和语法。
Dear Terry,
How are you doing? Learning that you are about to pay a visit to a Chinese friend and confused about the Chinese customs, I am writing to put forward some advice.
Firstly, I would 1ike to suggest that you arrive 5 to 10 minutes earlier, which is common in Chinese traditional culture. Secondly, if I were you I would bring some appropriate gifts with me, such as souvenirs from my own country. Besides, table manners are also what you should pay attention to. For example, you are not supposed to stick your chopsticks into your food. Instead, laying them on your dish is a smart choice.
If you have any other problems, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
做客礼仪：
1. 预先约定一个时间以便对方事先作好安排。如果事先已经约定好了时间，就应遵守约定，准时到达，如需提早十分钟二十分钟之内可以接受，不要迟到，以免主人等候，也不要太早到，以免主人未作好准备。这是一个基本礼节问题。
2.如果有专属地域文化特色的礼物是最好的。如果朋友家有长辈，带点烟酒和茶叶或一些老人家用的保健品等；如果朋友家有小孩，带点儿童玩具或买箱牛奶，然后加点茶叶啥的；不要送钟、梨、伞等这些东西，被认为不吉祥。
3.主人会请客人入座上席，再请长辈入座客人旁。入座的时侯要从椅子的左边进入。在中餐结束时，筷子应整齐地放在靠碗右边的桌上，并应等客人们都放下筷子以后，主人示意离席后方可以离开，不能自己吃完了放下筷子就走，这样做是很没礼貌的表现。
常用词语和句子
试题回顾
注意：
Notice
Boys and girls,
The Student Union
试题回顾
注意：
Dear Peter,
Yours,
Li Hua
试题回顾
第一节 应用文写作
注意：
本篇书面表达属于应用文，要求写应聘信。
第一步：根据提示可知，学校英语协会招聘志愿者，接待来访的国外中学生。要求写封应聘信，内容包括：1.口语能力：2.相关经验；3.应聘目的。
第二步：根据写作要求确定关键词（组）。
第三步：根据提示和关键词（组）进行遣词造句，注意主谓一致和时态问题。
第四步：连句成文，注意使用恰当的连词进行句子之间的衔接和过渡，书写一定要规范清晰，保持整洁美观的卷面是非常重要的。本文内容完整，语言规范，语篇连贯，词数适当。另外全文中没有中国式英语的句式，显示了很高的驾驭英语的能力。
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Li Hua. And I am writing to apply for being a volunteer of our school English association.
I have a good command of English and have been to the USA twice. So I can communicate well with native speakers of English. What's more, I am kind and friendly to other people. So I can easily get along with foreign students.
I'm particularly interested in this job because I want to further improve my oral English capabilities and interpersonal communication skills. Hopefully I can receive your acceptance.
Yours faithfully,
Li Hua
试题回顾
第二节 读后续写（满分25分）
阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
It was summer, and my dad wanted to treat me to a vacation like never before. He decided to take me on a trip to the Wild West.
We took a plane to Albuquerque, a big city in the state of New Mexico. We reached Albuquerque in the late afermoon. Uncle Paul, my dad's friend, picked us up from the airport and drove me up to his farm in Pecos.
His wife Tina cooked us a delicious dinner and we got to know his sons Ryan and Kyle. My dad and I spent the night in the guestroom of the farm house listening to the frogs and water rolling down the river nearby. Very early in the morning, Uncle Paul woke us up to have breakfast. 'The day starts at dawn on my farm,' he said. After breakfast, I went to help Aunt Tina feed the chickens, while my dad went with Uncle Paul to take the sheep out to graze (吃草). I was impressed to see my dad and Uncle Paul riding horses. They looked really cool.
In the afternoon, I asked Uncle Paul if I could take a horse ride, and he said yes, as long as my dad went with me. I wasn't going to take a horse ride by myself anyway. So, my dad and I put on our new cowboy hats, got on our horses, and headed slowly towards the mountains. “Don't be late for supper,' Uncle Paul cried, 'and keep to the track so that you don't get lost!' “OK!' my dad cried back. After a while Uncle Paul and his farm house were out of sight. It was so peaceful and quiet and the colors of the brown rocks, the deep green pine trees, and the late aftermoon sunmixed to create a magic scene. It looked like a beautiful woven ( 编织的) blanket spread out upon the ground just for us.
注意：
试题回顾
注意：
参考词汇：
the World Adolescent Robotics Competition
Yours,
Li Jin
Dear Chris,
Yours,
Li Jin
试题回顾
第一节（15分）
注意：
Dear Jim,
...
Yours，
Li Hua
Dear Jim,
Yours,
Li Hua
试题回顾
第二节（20分）
注意：词数不少于60。
1. 认真读图，把握中心。
在把握了文章的中心后，应在内心构思一个基本的框架，并考虑使用恰当的词语、短语和句型，以充分地表达文章的内容。本文是讲述上周发生的事情，故时态要以过去时为主，人称是第一人称，尽可能地充分利用所学的短语或句型来表述具体的内容。这是体现自身能力的重要一环。
3. 连词成句，然后再连句成文。
4.反复审核，修改错误。
试题回顾
书面表达(满分25分)
请阅读下面文字，并按照要求用英语写一篇150词左右的文章。
【写作内容】
【写作要求】
【评分标准】
Possible version one:
Possible version two: