萨古鲁：为什么爱情和婚姻似乎会造成人与人之间最大冲突的问题

Sadhguru answers a question about why love and marriage seem to create the maximum conflict between people.

萨古鲁回答了关于为什么爱情和婚姻似乎会造成人与人之间最大冲突的问题。

Q: Why is it that love and marriage often create the maximum conflict between people?

问：为什么爱情和婚姻经常给人们带来很大冲突？

Sadhguru: “Man” and “woman” are physically, kind of opposite. Nature has made us this way so that the process of reproduction happens and the next generation becomes a possibility. If that was not necessary – if storks were dropping babies from the skies – we would not need a man and a woman to work for the future generations to come. And if there wasn’t a deep sense of compulsion about the reproductive process, people would not go for it. Every cell in your body, including your brain cells, are taken over by hormones and compel and propel you in that direction. It takes enormous intelligence for a person to rise beyond that. Otherwise it looks like this is life – it makes you feel like that. Till you were 10 or 11 years old, you did not even think about it. Whatever the other people were doing looked funny. But suddenly, this new chemical took over the body and now it is all an absolute reality.

Sadhguru：“男人”和“女人”在身体上是不一样的。大自然这样创造，以便为了生殖过程的发生，让下一代出生成为可能。如果这不是必要的话，如果鹳鸟（一种大型水鸟的通称）可以从天上送来婴儿宝宝，我们就不需要男人和女人来繁衍后代了。如果对生殖过程没有一种强烈的冲动，人们就不会为此而努力。身体中的每一个细胞，包括你的脑细胞，都被荷尔蒙控制，迫使你朝那个方向前进。一个人需要极大的智慧来超越这一点。否则荷尔蒙会使你感觉，这就是生活。在你10岁或11岁之前，你甚至没有想过这个问题。其他人这么做看起来都很滑稽。但是突然间，这种新的化学物质控制了身体，它完全成了绝对的现实。

You have been drugged and chemically sabotaged by nature to fulfill its own purpose of reproduction, continuation, and perpetuation of the species. Once this happened,now somehow,man and woman are compelled to come together. Or in other words, once this compulsion comes, naturally the mind begins to work in that way as to how to get the best out of it.

自然以化学作用麻醉了你，其目的是为了实现自身繁殖、完成物种延续。一旦麻醉见效，莫名其妙地，男人和女人不得不走到一起。换言之，一旦这种冲动到来，自然地，头脑就开始以这样的方式工作，以便实现最大的成效。

The Give & Take Calculation

付出和得到的算计

Fundamentally,a relationship is unfortunately happening with an intention to somehow make use of each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. When you are giving and taking on a daily basis, always one person will feel, “I am giving more, the other person is giving less.”

从根本上说，不幸的是，一段关系的发生是以某种程度互相利用为目的的。这是一种交换关系。当你们每天交换往来的时候，总有一个人会觉得，“我付出得更多，另一个人付出得更少。”

Only in those moments of love, can a man and woman really be together. Once that is not there, it is very difficult.

只有在那些相爱的时刻，男人和女人才是真正在一起。一旦爱不存在，关系就变得非常困难。

Societies have always taught you that to be smart is to give less and take more. Whether it is a marketplace or a marriage, it is the same calculation. This is why there is so much talk about love, so that you transcend this calculation. When you are emotionally overwhelmed by someone, you transcend the calculation. It becomes, “What I take is not important, what I give is important.” The relationship runs beautifully when it is at that level of emotional intensity. Once that emotional intensity drops, it just becomes give-and-take.

社会一直都在教导我们，聪明，就是少付出，多索取。无论是市场还是婚姻，都是同样的计算方式。这就是为什么有很如此多的关于爱的讨论，以至于你超越了这种算计。当你在情感上被某人征服时，你就超越了算计。它会变成:“我得到什么不重要，我付出给予什么才重要。”当感情达到那种强度的时候，你们的关系会很好。一旦这种情感强度下降，它就变成了交换。

You do give-and-take in your business, with your neighbor, with so many people, but those transactions are limited – but the give-and-take in a marriage is constant, and you are caged with this particular person constantly. So, naturally you feel that in some way, you are being used by someone else. Once this comes in, there is conflict, conflict, conflict.

你和邻居，还有很多人做交换，做交易，但是这些交易是有限的。婚姻中的付出和回报关系是长久持续的。你总是不断地被这个特定的人关在牢笼里，所以，你自然会觉得在某种程度上，你被别人利用了。一旦出现这种情况，就会不断出现冲突、冲突、冲突。

Only in those moments of love, can a man and woman really be together. Once that is not there,it is very difficult. The physicality and emotionality of it and other aspects of sharing and living become a struggle. Especially because the physical body is involved, one can very easily feel that they are being used by someone.

只有在爱的时刻，男人和女人才能真正在一起。一旦爱不存在，关系就变得非常困难。在肉体和情感生活共享方面变成了争斗。特别是因为牵涉到身体层面，人们会很容易觉得在被某人利用。

If it was just money, if it was just a house, there is some settlement, “Okay, you use that part of the house, I will use this part of the house.” “You cook, I will earn.” But because the body is involved, very easily one will feel used, so there is conflict.

如果只是钱，如果只是一栋房子，就会有一些解决办法，“好的，你用房子的这个区域，我就用房子的这个区域。”“你做饭，我就赚钱。”但是因为身体有牵连，很容易让人感到被利用，所以就会有冲突。

The Solution

解决方法

Q: So what is the solution?

问题：解决方法是什么？

Sadhguru:You should stop being a man or woman all the time.You don’t have to carry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day. There are certain situations in certain aspects of life where you need to be a man or a woman. The rest of the time, you do not have to be either. But societies have trained you to be like this all the time. From the very clothes that you wear and the way you do everything – you have been trained in a certain way, to serve a certain purpose.

萨古鲁: 你应该停止一直做所谓的男人或女人。你不必一天24小时都带着你的男子气概或女子气概。在生活的某些方面，你需要成为一个男人或女人。剩下的时间里，不必如此。但是社会一直在训练你成为这样的男人或女人。从你穿的衣服和你做任何事情的方式，你已经接受了某种训练，以达到某种目的。

Once you become like this —24 hours man or 24 hours woman – you are troubled. But if you know how to simply be a piece of life, you will be fine; and when there is a requirement that you have to be a man or woman, you can play your role pretty well. So please save it. Don’t just go on spreading it around in the street. Just walk and live as a piece of life. If you are like this, there will be no conflict. It will be just fine. Two human beings can live together.

一旦你变成这样——24个小时是男人或24个小时是女人——你就麻烦了。但是，如果你知道如何成为生活的一部分，你将会很好；当要求你必须是男人或女人时，你可以很好地扮演你的角色。所以请保持这个理念。不要只跑到街头到处传播宣传。只是作为生活的一部分去践行。如果你这么去做，就不会有冲突。一切都会好起来的。两个人可以生活在一起。

You should stop being a man or woman all the time. You don’t have to carry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day.

你应该停止一直做男人或女人。你不必一天24小时都带着你的男子气概或女子气概。

“Man and woman” are two compulsions. Two compulsions can never live together. The more identified you are with your sexuality, the more compulsive you will become. When you are compulsive, naturally you will step over many people. Once you start stepping on each other, there will be trouble. If you do not identify yourself too much with your womanhood or manhood and if you just walk as a piece of life, you will see that it is such a minor part of your life. You do not have to structure your life around it. So much of your potential would find expression if you just do not get too identified with your sexuality. People would become so much more creative and so much more capable of various things that they have not imagined.

“男人和女人”是两股冲动。两种冲动不能共存。你对自己的性取向越认同，你就会变得越强迫。当你有强迫症的时候，很自然你会踩到很多人。一旦你们开始互相踩，就会有麻烦。如果你不过于认同自己的女性身份或男性身份，如果你只是把它当作生活一部分顺其自然，你会发现它只是你生活的一小部分。你不必围绕它来构建你的生活。如果你不过于认同自己的性取向，那么你的很多潜力就会得到表达。人们会变得更有创造力，更有能力去做他们想象不到的事情。

Love&Grace

爱与恩典