读书|《呼啸山庄》: 爱，还是死？

John William Waterhouse The Lady of Shalott

Emily Brontë心中的爱情，并不是要结婚生子，或者白头偕老。她抓住的是爱情里最震撼灵魂的一段，将它的热烈燃烧到极致，再来一场冰雹，将爱情的烈焰永远封存。在选段中，Cathy临死之前只有对Heathcliff的爱恨痴嗔痴，并声称是他杀死了自己。

此书一出版，同时代书评几乎一片哗然，被它的古怪，畸形和厌世所惊愕。维多利亚时代充满了道貌岸然的伪君子，也缺乏培养强烈爱情的土壤，也只有待在家里的小姑娘的想象力能催生如此暴动的作品。维基百科提到，同个时代的英国诗人、画家Dante Gabriel Rossetti提过“魔鬼之书--令人难以置信的怪物[...]，只有地名和人名是用的是令人感到熟悉的英文，其余的不管是情节或人物动态，有如埋藏于地狱”。现在看来，这样的爱情就算不是普遍存在，也是有所听闻，令人向往，有时甚至愿意用一切来换取这样的感情。有的也因为这样的选择而狼狈不堪，耗尽生命。

爱，还是死？这是个问题。

对他们来说，这是道送命题。

CHAPTER XV

'Oh, Cathy! Oh, my life! how can I bear it?’ was the first sentence he uttered, in a tone that did not seek to disguise his despair. And now he stared at her so earnestly that I thought the very intensity of his gaze would bring tears into his eyes; but they burned with anguish: they did not melt.

悲哀的极致不是眼泪，眼泪让位给眼神中极度的痛苦

'What now?’ said Catherine, leaning back, and returning his look with a suddenly clouded brow: her humour was a mere vane for constantly varying caprices. 'You and Edgar have broken my heart, Heathcliff! And you both come to bewail the deed to me, as if you were the people to be pitied! I shall not pity you, not I. You have killed me and thriven on it, I think. How strong you are! How many years do you mean to live after I am gone?’

Cathy的生命就要消逝，她死前带着强烈的爱情和被爱情折磨的灵魂，就此定格；而让她如此的人，将继续生活下去。

Heathcliff had knelt on one knee to embrace her; he attempted to rise, but she seized his hair, and kept him down.

很有画面感的场景，象征着Cathy临行前的不甘和怨愤。

'I wish I could hold you,’ she continued, bitterly, 'till we were both dead! I shouldn’t care what you suffered. I care nothing for your sufferings. Why shouldn’t you suffer? I do! Will you forget me? Will you be happy when I am in the earth? Will you say twenty years hence, 'That's the grave of Catherine Earnshaw? I loved her long ago, and was wretched to lose her; but it is past. I’ve loved many others since: my children are dearer to me than she was; and, at death, I shall not rejoice that I am going to her: I shall be sorry that I must leave them!’ Will you say so, Heathcliff?’

I shouldn’t care what you suffered. I care nothing for your sufferings. Why shouldn’t you suffer? I do! 这真是让人浑身发抖的话。像是地狱里只有Cathy和Heathcliff二人，他们把对方拖下地狱，互相折磨，永无止境。

'Don’t torture me till I’m as mad as yourself,’ cried he, wrenching his head free and grinding his teeth.

The two, to a cool spectator, made a strange and fearful picture. Well might Catherine deem that heaven would be a land of exile to her, unless with her mortal body she cast away her moral character also. Her present countenance had a wild vindictiveness in its white cheek, and a bloodless lip and scintillating eye; and she retained in her closed fingers a portion of the locks she had been grasping. As to her companion, while raising himself with one hand, he had taken her arm with the other; and so inadequate was his stock of gentleness to the requirements of her condition, that on his letting go I saw four distinct impressions left blue in the colourless skin.

'Are you possessed with a devil,’ he pursued, savagely, 'to talk in that manner to me when you are dying? Do you reflect that all those words will be branded in my memory, and eating deeper eternally after you have left me? You know you lie to say I have killed you: and, Catherine, you know that I could as soon forget you as my existence! Is it not sufficient for your infernal selfishness, that while you are at peace I shall writhe in the torments of hell?’

'Are you possessed with a devil,’ he pursued, savagely, 'to talk in that manner to me when you are dying?用生命最后的力气去诅咒和讽刺，确实如同魔鬼附身般可怕。它们的效果，也确实如Heathcliff所说，会印刻在他脑子里，折磨他，直到永远。

'I shall not be at peace,’ moaned Catherine, recalled to a sense of physical weakness by the violent, unequal throbbing of her heart, which beat visibly and audibly under this excess of agitation. She said nothing further till the paroxysm was over; then she continued, more kindly -'I’m not wishing you greater torment than I have, Heathcliff. I only wish us never to be parted: and should a word of mine distress you hereafter, think I feel the same distress underground, and for my own sake, forgive me! Come here and kneel down again! You never harmed me in your life.Nay, if you nurse anger, that will be worse to remember than my harsh words! Won’t you come here again? Do!’

Heathcliff went to the back of her chair, and leant over, but not so far as to let her see his face, which was livid with emotion. She bent round to look at him; he would not permit it: turning abruptly, he walked to the fireplace, where he stood, silent, with his back towards us. Mrs. Linton’s glance followed him suspiciously: every movement woke a new sentiment in her.

在死前要求Heathcliff靠近一些，能看到他的脸，如此小小的要求H还是拒绝，Cathy的绝望可见一斑。这样的场景在他们的关系中一再上演。所以Cathy才会说：我就是这样被爱的！'Oh, you see, Nelly, he would not relent a moment to keep me out of the grave. THAT is how I’m loved!

After a pause and a prolonged gaze, she resumed; addressing me in accents of indignant disappointment:- 'Oh, you see, Nelly, he would not relent a moment to keep me out of the grave. THAT is how I’m loved! Well, never mind. That is not MY Heathcliff. I shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he’s in my soul. And,’ added she musingly, 'the thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. I’m tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, and in it. Nelly, you think you are better and more fortunate than I; in full health and strength: you are sorry for me very soon that will be altered. I shall be sorry for YOU. I shall be incomparably beyond and above you all. I WONDER he won’t be near me!’ She went on to herself. 'I thought he wished it. Heathcliff, dear! you should not be sullen now. Do come to me, Heathcliff.’ In her eagerness she rose and supported herself on the arm of the chair. At that earnest appeal he turned to her, looking absolutely desperate. His eyes, wide and wet, at last flashed fiercely on her; his breast heaved convulsively. An instant they held asunder, and then how they met I hardly saw, but Catherine made a spring, and he caught her, and they were locked in an embrace from which I thought my mistress would never be released alive: in fact, to my eyes, she seemed directly insensible. He flung himself into the nearest seat, and on my approaching hurriedly to ascertain if she had fainted, he gnashed at me, and foamed like a mad dog, and gathered her to him with greedy jealousy. I did not feel as if I were in the company of a creature of my own species: it appeared that he would not understand, though I spoke to him; so I stood of, and held my tongue, in great perplexity.

A movement of Catherine’s relieved me a little presently: she put up her hand to clasp his neck, and bring her cheek to his as he held her; while he, in return, covering her with frantic caresses, said wildly - 'You teach me now how cruel you’ve been cruel and false. WHY did you despise me? WHY did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they’ll blight you they’ll damn you. You loved me then what RIGHT had you to leave me? What right answer me for the poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, YOU, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart YOU have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you oh, God! would YOU like to live with your soul in the grave?’

'Let me alone. Let me alone,’ sobbed Catherine. 'If I’ve done wrong, I’m dying for it. It is enough! You left me too: but I won’t upbraid you! I forgive you. Forgive me!’'It is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel those wasted hands,’ he answered. 'Kiss me again; and don’t let me see your eyes! I forgive what you have done to me. I love MY murderer but YOURS! How can I?’Tey were silent-their faces hid against each other, and washed by each other’s tears. At least, I suppose the weeping was on both sides; as it seemed Heathcliff could weep on a great occasion like this.

I grew very uncomfortable, meanwhile; for the afternoon wore fast away, the man whom I had sent of returned from his errand, and I could distinguish, by the shine of the western sun up the valley, a concourse thickening outside Gimmerton chapel porch.

'Service is over,’ I announced. 'My master will be here in half an hour.’ Heathcliff groaned a curse, and strained Catherine closer: she never moved.

“啊，凯蒂！啊，我的命！我怎么受得了啊？”这是他说出的第一句话，那声调并不想掩饰他的绝望。现在他这么热切地盯着她，他的凝视是这么热烈，我想他会流泪的。但是那对眼睛却燃烧着极度的痛苦：并没化作泪水。

“现在还要怎么样呢？”凯瑟琳说，向后仰着，以突然阴沉下来的脸色回答他的凝视：她的性子不过是她那时常变动的精神状态的风信标而已。“你和埃德加把我的心都弄碎了，希刺克厉夫！你们都为那件事来向我哀告，好像你们才是该被怜悯的人！我不会怜悯你的，我才不。你已经害了我——而且，我想，还因此心满意足吧。你多强壮呀！我死后你还打算活多少年啊？“

希刺克厉夫本来是用一条腿跪下来搂着她的。他想站起来，可是她抓着他的头发，又把他按下去。

“但愿我能抓住你不放，”她辛酸地接着说，“一直到我们两个都死掉！我不应该管你受什么苦。我才不管你的痛苦哩。你为什么不该受苦呢？我可在受呀！你会忘掉我吗？等我埋在上里的时候，你会快乐吗？二十年后你会不会说，'那是凯瑟琳·恩萧的坟。很久以前我爱过她，而且为了失去她而难过；可是这都过去了。那以后我又爱过好多人：我的孩子对于我可比她要亲多了；而且，到了死的时候，我不会因为我要去她那儿就高兴：我会很难过，因为我得离开他们了！’你会不会这么说呢，希刺克厉夫？”

“不要把我折磨得跟你自己一样地发疯吧，”他叫，扭开他的头，咬着牙。

在一个冷静的旁观者看来，这两个人形成了一幅奇异而可怕的图画。凯瑟琳很有理由认为天堂对于她就是流放之地，除非她的精神也随同她的肉体一起抛开。在她现在的面容上，那白白的双颊，没有血色的唇，以及闪烁的眼睛都显出一种狂野的要复仇的心情；在她的握紧的手指中间还留有她刚才抓住的一把头发。至于她的同伴，他一只手撑住自己，一只手握着她的胳膊；他对她那种温存，对于她当时的健康状况是很不适合的。在他松手时，我看见在那没有血色的皮肤上留下了四条清清楚楚的紫痕。

“你是不是被鬼缠住了，”他凶暴地追问着，“在你要死的时候还这样跟我说话？你想没想到所有这些话都要烙在我的记忆里，而且在你丢下我之后，将要永远更深地啮食着我？你明知道你说的我害死你的话是说谎；而且，凯瑟琳，你知道我只要活着就不会忘掉你！当你得到安息的时候，我却要在地狱的折磨里受煎熬，这还不够使你那狠毒的自私心得到满足吗？”

“我不会得到安息的，”凯瑟琳哀哭着，感到她身体的衰弱，因为在这场过度的激动下，她的心猛烈地、不规则地跳动着，甚至跳得能觉察出来。她说不出话来，直到这阵激动过去，才又接着说，稍微温和一些了。

“我并不愿意你受的苦比我受的还大，希刺克厉夫。我只愿我们永远不分离：如果我有一句话使你今后难过，想想我在地下也感到一样的难过，看在我自己的份上，饶恕我吧！过来，再跪下去！你一生从来没有伤害过我。是啊，如果你生了气，那今后你想起你的气愤就要比想起我那些粗暴的话更难受！你不肯再过来吗？来呀！”

希刺克厉夫走到她椅子背后，向前探身，却让她看不见他那因激动而变得发青的脸。她回过头望他；他不许她看；他突然转身，走到炉边，站在那儿，沉默着，背对着我们。林惇夫人的目光疑惑不解地跟着他：每一个动作在她心里都唤起一种新的感情。在一阵沉默和长久的凝视之后，她又讲话了；带着愤慨的失望声调对我说—— 
“啊，你瞧，耐莉，他都不肯暂时发发慈悲好让我躲开坟墓。我就是这样被人爱啊！好吧，没关系。那不是我的希刺克厉夫。我还是要爱我那个；我带着他：他是在我灵魂里。而且，”她沉思地又说，“使我最厌烦的到底还是这个破碎的牢狱，我不愿意被关在这儿了。我多想躲避到那个愉快的世界里，永远在那儿：不是泪眼模糊地看到它，不是在痛楚的心境中渴望着它；可是真的跟它在一起，在它里面。耐莉，你以为你比我好些，幸运些；完全健康有力：你为我难过——不久这就要改变了。我要为你们难过。我将要无可比拟地超越你们，在你们所有的人之上。我奇怪他不肯挨近我？”她自言自语地往下说，“我以为他是愿意的。希刺克厉夫，亲爱的！ 现在你不该沉着脸。到我这儿来呀，希刺克厉夫。”

她异常激动地站起身来，身子靠着椅子的扶手。听了那真挚的乞求，他转身向她，神色是完全不顾一切了。他睁大着双眼，含着泪水，终于猛地向她一闪，胸口激动地起伏着。他们各自站住一刹那，然后我简直没看清他们是怎么合在一起的，只见凯瑟琳向前一跃，他就把她擒住了，他们拥抱得紧紧的，我想我的女主人绝不会被活着放开了：事实上，据我看，她仿佛立刻就不省人事了。他投身到最近处的椅子上，我赶忙走上前看看她是不是昏迷了，他就对我咬牙切齿，像个疯狗似的吐着白沫，带着贪婪的嫉妒神色把她抱紧。我简直不觉得我是在陪着一个跟我同类的动物：看来即使我跟他说话，他也不会懂；因此我只好非常惶惑地站开，也不吭声。

凯瑟琳动弹了一下，这才使我立刻放了心：她伸出手搂住他的脖子，他抱住她，她把脸紧贴着他的脸；他回报给她无数疯狂的爱抚，又狂乱地说——

“你现在才使我明白你曾经多么残酷——残酷又虚伪。你过去为什么瞧不起我呢？你为什么欺骗你自己的心呢，凯蒂？我没有一句安慰的话。这是你应得的。你害死了你自己。是的，你可以亲吻我，哭，又逼出我的吻和眼泪：我的吻和眼泪要摧残你——要诅咒你。你爱过我——那么你有什么权利离开我呢？有什么权利——回答我——对林惇存那种可怜的幻想？因为悲惨、耻辱和死亡，以及上帝或撒旦所能给的一切打击和痛苦都不能把我们分开，而你，却出于你自己的心意，这样作了。我没有弄碎你的心——是你弄碎了的；而在弄碎它的时候，你把我的心也弄碎了。因为我是强壮的，对于我就格外苦。我还要活吗？那将是什么样的生活，当你—— 啊，上帝！你愿意带着你的灵魂留在坟墓里吗？”

“别管我吧，别管我吧，”凯瑟琳抽泣着。“如果我曾经作错了，我就要为此而死去的。够啦！你也丢弃过我的，可我并不要责备你！我饶恕你。饶恕我吧！”

“看看这对眼睛，摸摸这双消瘦的手，要饶恕是很难的，”他回答。“再亲亲我吧；别让我看见你的眼睛！我饶恕你对我作过的事。我爱害了我的人——可是害了你的人呢？我又怎么能够饶恕他？”

他们沉默着——脸紧贴着，用彼此的眼泪在冲洗着。至少，我猜是双方都在哭泣；在这样一个不同寻常的场合中，就连希刺克厉夫仿佛也能哭泣了。

同时我越来越心焦；因为下午过去得很快，我支使出去的人已经完成使命回来了，而且我从照在山谷的夕阳也能分辨出吉默吞教堂门外已有一大堆人涌出了。

“作完礼拜了，”我宣布。“我的主人要在半个钟头内到家啦。” 
希刺克厉夫哼出一声咒骂，把凯瑟琳抱得更紧，她一动也不动。 
不久我看见一群仆人走过大路，向厨房那边走去。林惇先生在后面不远；他自己开了大门，慢慢蹓跶过来，大概是要享受这风和日丽、宛如夏日的下午。 
“现在他到这儿来了，”我大叫。“看在老天爷的份上，快下去吧！你在前面楼梯上不会遇到什么人的。快点吧，在树林里待着，等他进来你再走。” 
“我一定得走了，凯蒂，”希刺克厉夫说，想从他的伴侣的胳臂中挣脱出来。“可是如果我还活着，在你睡觉以前，我还要来看你的。我不会离开你的窗户五码之外的。” 
“你决不能步！”她回答，尽她的全力紧紧地抓住他。“我告诉你，你不要走。” 
“只走开一个钟头，”他热诚地恳求着。 
“一分钟也不行，”她回答。 
“我非走不可——林惇马上就要来了，”这受惊的闯入者坚持着。 
他想站起来，要松开她的手指——但她紧紧搂住，喘着气：在她脸上现出疯狂的决心。 
“不！”她尖叫。“啊，别，别走。这是最后一次了！埃德加不会伤害我们的。希刺克厉夫，我要死啦！我要死啦！” 
“该死的混蛋！他来了，”希刺克厉夫喊着，倒在他的椅子上。'别吵，我亲爱！别吵，别吵，凯瑟琳！我不走了。如果他就这么拿枪崩了我，我也会在嘴唇上带着祝福咽气的。” 
他们又紧紧地搂在一起。我听见我主人上楼了——我的脑门上直冒冷汗；我吓坏了。 
“你就听她的胡话吗？”我激动地说。“她不知道她说什么。就因为她神志丧失，不能自主，你要毁了她吗？起来！你马上就可以挣脱的。这是你所作过的最恶毒的事。我们——主人，女主人，仆人——可都给毁啦！” 
我绞着手，大叫；林惇先生一听声音，加快了脚步，在我的震动之中，我衷心喜欢地看见凯瑟琳的胳臂松落下来，她的头也垂下来“她是昏迷了，或是死了，”我想，“这样还好些。与其活着成为周围人的负担，成为不幸的制造者，那还不如让她死了的好。” 
埃德加冲向这位不速之客，脸色因惊愕与愤怒而发白。他打算怎么样，我也不知道；可是，另一个人把那看来已没有生命的东西往他怀里一放，立刻停止了所有的示威行动。 
“瞧吧！”他说。“除非你是一个恶魔，不然就去救救她吧——然后你再跟我说话！” 
他走到客厅里坐下来。林惇先生召唤我去，费了好大劲，用了好多方法，我们才使她醒过来；可是她完全精神错乱了；她叹息，呻吟，谁也不认识。埃德加一心为她焦急，也忘了她那可恨的朋友。我可没有忘。我找了个最早的机会劝他离开：肯定说凯瑟琳已经好些了，他明天早晨可以听我告诉他她这一夜过得怎么样。 
“我不会拒绝出这个门，”他回答，“可是我要待在花园里：耐莉，记着明天你要遵守诺言。我将在那些落叶松下面，记住！不然我还要来，不管林惇在不在家。” 
他急急地向卧房的半开的门里投去一瞥，证实了我所说的是真实的，这不吉利的人才离开了这所房子。