11.21（5）
South-Roaming #5
Stayed for two days and three night in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan, China. I planned to arrive in south China within 10-15 days, but now it has passed nearly 20 days. Staying somewhere for more than a day will be discouraging for the rest of the trip. Way’s twin bro worked in Chengdu and he came there about seven months ago. Two years ago we met and chatted over a meal and four beers in Nanjing when I was still on campus. From then on, we both had our own problems to handle like many in their 20s. This time we talked more mildly but a long way still lies ahead. Talking so thoroughly with the twin bros contributed to my understanding that we are all ordinary and yet we’ve gotta take care of our triviality.
I try to be focused while being less self-conscious. This is what I expected for this trip. The bright side is I need not explain my trip much. Traveling totally for oneself rather than in any “relations” or “meaning” is a luxury these days. Two days staying put for me is a bit long and once I am not in a coherent rhythm I feel the trip is too compartmentalized to be a meaningful whole. Loneliness might not be worth praise, but to wittingly or unwittingly escape from it seems just absurd. Matter of fact, I doubt the most worthwhile part of a trip is a sort of loneliness weaved through it.
The two-wheel kindled my inner flames for the afar and I have always known I want no trip secured by all planned schedules, but an adventure-like exploration that first responds to my dreams, memories, impulses, and eagerness for aesthetic experience and perhaps philosophical thinking.
I’ve been writing on-and-off for a while since my days at Qianxue Village southeast of Beijing. Up to now, I’ve been comfortable typing fast, leaving no longer much space for “language practice”, but there comes also the problem of connecting the dots. I browsed back through some posts and found many well-written points which, however, I haven’t really made part of my thinking and action. One problem is my thoughts keep changing, sometimes for the clearer thinking, many times distressing. I feel I’ve been at a point where I have to think and act more clearly in order to write more clearly. That means writing as a way of pulling myself together has succeeded; it succeeded by killing itself in this stage. Earlier in a previous post, I said this blog is to kill itself in a pretty shallow way, which basically means records my thoughts and sort them out. Now, Roverblood needs something new.
To a large extent, it is the purpose of my south-roaming, but pitifully it remains blurred so far. Weariness would creep up in the afternoon or later and it shatters inspiration for action.南漫游#5
在中国四川省会成都逗留了两天三夜。我原计划在10-15天内到达华南，但现在已经过去近20天了。在某处呆上一天以上，在接下来的旅程中会令人沮丧。韦的孪生兄弟在成都工作，他大约七个月前来到成都。两年前，我还在学校的时候，我们在南京见面聊天，吃了一顿饭，喝了四杯啤酒。从那以后，我们俩都像很多20多岁的人一样，都有自己的问题要处理，这次我们谈得比较温和，但还有很长的路要走。与孪生兄弟的深入交谈使我了解到我们都很平凡，但我们必须注意我们的琐碎。
我试着集中注意力而不那么自觉。这就是我对这次旅行的期望。好的一面是我不需要解释我的旅行。如今，完全为自己而不是为了任何“关系”或“意义”而旅行是一种奢侈。对我来说，呆在原地两天有点长，一旦我没有连贯的节奏，我觉得这趟旅行太分散了，不能成为一个有意义的整体。孤独也许不值得称赞，但有意或无意地逃离孤独似乎是荒谬的。事实上，我怀疑旅行中最值得一提的是一种孤独感。
这两个轮子点燃了我内心深处的火焰，我一直知道我不想被所有计划好的日程安排所保证，而是一次冒险式的探索，首先回应我的梦想、记忆、冲动和对审美体验的渴望，也许还有哲学思考。
从我在北京东南的前薛村开始，我断断续续地写了一段时间。到目前为止，我已经习惯于快速打字，不再给“语言练习”留下太多空间，但也出现了连接点的问题。我浏览了一些帖子，发现了许多写得很好的观点，但是，我并没有真正成为我思考和行动的一部分。一个问题是我的思想一直在变，有时候为了更清晰的思考，很多时候很痛苦。我觉得我已经到了一个需要思考和行动更清晰的阶段，这样才能写得更清楚。这意味着写作作为一种使自己振作起来的方式已经成功了；它成功地在这个阶段自杀了。在之前的一篇文章中，我说这个博客是以一种很肤浅的方式自杀，这基本上就是记录我的想法并把它们整理出来。现在，Roverblood需要一些新的东西。
在很大程度上，这是我南下漫游的目的，但遗憾的是，至今它仍然模糊不清。疲惫感会在下午或更晚的时间里蔓延开来，它会粉碎行动的灵感。
发布于2020年11月20日Authorrover RobinsonCategoriesUncategorized