In many cases, not all, one person in the relationship insists that we both should be allowed to go through each other’s phone. And the other person doesn’t like the idea. They resist. And it CAN become a source of friction.在很多情况下——当然不是全部——恋爱中的一方会坚持认为，互相查看彼此的手机是应该得到允许的，而另一方却并不赞同这个想法。他们各自坚持自己的观点，最终这会成为发生摩擦的原因之一。The typical objection to letting your lover go through your phone is, “why do you have to check my phone? Do you not trust me?” That’s a classic line. And the classic answer to that is, “Are you hiding something? If not, why not let me see? You can check my phone.”反对伴侣看你手机的典型说辞是“为什么你必须要看我的手机？难道你不信任我吗？”这是一句经典台词。而经典的回答则是“你在隐瞒什么吗？如果没有的话，你为什么不让我看？你完全可以看我的手机呀。”So, what’s the decision…Is it OK to go through each other’s phone? I think, yes.那么，该怎么决定？是否可以查看对方的手机呢？在我看来，是可以的。The emotions of jealousy and insecurity are inevitable and highly entangled with romantic love. These emotions, just by themselves, can cause deep unhappiness, ugly conflicts and even break-up or divorce, even when there are no actual instances of cheating or affairs.嫉妒和不安全感是无法避免的，它们总是与浪漫的爱情密切纠缠在一起。仅仅是这些情绪本身就会引发极度的不快、难堪的冲突，甚至分手或离婚，即使实际上并没有出轨或外遇的情况发生。My core statement today is, “One of the biggest antidote to jealousy or insecurity is ,TRANSPARENCY!” If someone shares everything about them with you, it gives you a sense of confidence in the relationship…it allows you to better predict the person, the future…thus reducing insecurity or anxiety.我今天的核心观点是：“消除嫉妒或不安全感最有效的方法之一就是——透明！”如果有人跟你分享了关于他的一切，那么这会让你对这段感情很有信心，让你对这个人和你们之间的未来更有把握，从而减少不安全感或焦虑。
“我的前女友发来消息，然后我……”
Back to the point, couple of months back, someone from my past, an ex, messaged me…I was confused what to do.言归正传，几个月前，我的某位前女友给我发了信息……我不确定该怎么处理。So I just went to my girlfriend, showed her the message and asked, “I got this message from an ex. She’s asking for some information. What do you think I should do? Should I reply or not?” She saw it…and said, “no problem, you can reply. Give her the info.” And that’s it, I did it.于是我去找了我的女朋友，将这条信息拿给她看，然后问她：“这是我的前女友发给我的，问我一些事儿。你觉得我该怎么做？我该不该回复她？”她看了看，说：“没问题，你可以回复，把事儿告诉她。”就这样，我回复了这条信息。Just like this, she asks ME about what to do, when sometimes she gets shady creepy messages from random dudes on Instagram.同样的，当她在Instagram（一款图片和短视频应用软件）上收到陌生男子发来的暗搓搓的暧昧信息时，她也会反过来问我该怎么做。
