3分钟学会一个雅思7分句（第80期）

3分钟学会一个雅思7分句系列，

每次教你学会一个7分句子。

雅思7分作文，

就是日复一日、点点滴滴的积累。

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

应对上面这个题目，学生在正文写了如下一句话：

For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on.

我们首先会关注到以下这些问题：

* 举例冗长，足足花了约60个单词，结果就是，段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上，而不是例子前的分论点，例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用；

* 措辞口语化，选词随意；

* 表述模糊，包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。

教师修改后如下：

New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic forum.

解析：

* 信息浓缩，丰富语义，让例子核心信息成为句子的主干：acquiring English enables them to continue tertiary education，这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点；

* 信息浓缩，“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容，改写为“English has become the major language of monograph and academic forum”;

* 精准选词，词汇的选取要避免口语化，词义要精准；

* set up for 为…作准备

* acquire习得

* enable 使能够

* tertiary education 大学教育

* monograph 专著

* academic forum 学术讲座